Not Blessed Mama's Unwanted and Unsolicited Product Review: Do You Have $3?

Tweet I swear that this is the best three dollars I EVER SPENT IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.

So- water balloons. My Spawn love water balloons, of course. Who doesn't? I don't. I freaking hate water balloons. They take 5 hours to blow up and the kids pop them all in 30 seconds. They always break when you try to force them on the faucet. My fat little fingers get sore trying to tie them. I just really, really hate them. They're way more of a hassle than they're worth. My kids just have to go without. And I don't even give a shit.

Until about a month ago. When I bought the most amazing thing that 3 dollars could ever buy. This. This glorious piece of plastic- The Kaos Tie Not Water Balloon Filler.

This thing is genius. IT'S GENIUS. You stick it on your garden hose, stick a balloon on it, fill up the balloon and twist it around the contraption- then you pull it off and the balloon is tied. It's tied. If you don't think this is amazing, let me tell you: the first day we got this, my 5 year old sat still for over half an hour and filled up a whole tub of water balloons himself. By himself. Quietly, with no supervision from me. All 3 of my Spawn have been using this thing all the time- they love it. They have water balloon fights with the neighborhood kids and have an awesome time- and best of all, leave me alone while they do it. That alone is worth way more than three bucks. I got mine at Wal-Mart. They're available on-line, but they're more expensive. 

We've had this over a month now and it's still going strong. I can't believe that a tiny piece of plastic has brought me such joy. Well, I can believe it- but it only cost $3 and I didn't have to lock the bathroom door. So it's a win.

GO BUY THIS!!!

I am not affiliated with Kaos and their fine water balloon products. But if I did see them, I'd probably kiss them on the mouth. This stupid thing is that goddamn awesome. I am telling you!

Tattooed Mamas FTW

Tweet

I got my first tattoo when I was 18 or 19. I was still living at home and had to pay my sister $5 to not tell my parents. And now, my parents have way more tattoos than I do. Tattoos have totally gone mainstream.

And am I bemoaning that fact? Am I a tattoo snob? Hell no! I love tattoos, on any and everyone. They're beautiful, meaningful, make a statement and are personal. Sure, there are a hell of a lot of crappy ones out there (hello, Ugliest Tattoos) but I think they are a great thing.

I know, I know. You don't think a tattoo will look good on your skin when you're 70 (psst... nothing will look good at 70, sorry). You don't like any image enough to have it permanently on your skin. There are lots of reasons people always give to not tattoo- but here's the thing:

So, without further ado, here are my tattoos.

Shoulder, left

Left ankle.

Chest, right (cover up of my first 2 tattoos)

Shoulder, right. 

And if you're not on Twitter, you are fortunate to have missed my hours long whiny #tattootweet fest as  I got my Mother's Day present. I H.A.T.E. getting tattoos- it hurts. If you haven't gotten one, it feels like exactly what it is- a needle stabbing you a million times and being dragged over your skin. It's not fun. Thank you so much to my Twitter pals for keeping me company. I really appreciated it!

So, what about you? Do you tattoo? I'd love to see- leave your links in the comments below!

What I Want For Mother's Day? Not What You Think

Tweet I've been thinking (fantasizing) for a while about what I want for Mother's Day. Sadly, since we homeschool, my kids won't be coming home with any adorable hand print cards or flower shaped coupon books. Not Blessed Dad usually doesn't drop the ball, but he's a dude. Sunday morning he'll go get me some flowers from the grocery store, or ask me what I want to do. I remember one year he went into the playroom to clean it, and came out after about 5 minutes- looking bewildered and frightened. He tries (usually), but you know- he's a dude.

Of course, I want all the normal things moms want for Mother's Day. A tricked out mini-van, a clean house, flowers and candy and a meal I don't have to cook. I want all of those things too. But I realized there were other things I wanted more....

I don't want to make any macaroni and cheese. I don't want to wipe popsicle off the floor. I don't want to referee any fights. I don't want to say any of these phrases: Speak nicely, be kind, touch nicely, no hitting, please share, be gentle, or let me help you. I don't want to do any laundry, get anyone clean underwear, or find any missing flip flops. I don't want to brush anyone's hair. I don't want to hear "Moooooooooooooommmmmmm" five million times. I don't want anyone to treat my gut like a bounce house.

I guess it all boils down to what I want most of all. For Mother's Day, I DON'T WANT TO BE A MOM.

Hold on, hold on. Don't get me wrong. My kids are the sun, moon and stars to me. They're my life, and that's the way I like it. I treasure them- but god dammit, I just need to get away from them. I need to be me for a little while. I need quiet, I need peace, I need to be treated like an adult. I want to do what I want to do- and I don't even know what that is, but it's definitely not watching My Little Pony or pushing someone on a swing for a gazillion hours. Just for a day.

So children, I love you more than anything. But please, for Mother's Day- GTFO. 

Am I a horrible mom for thinking this? What do YOU want for Mother's Day?

Clorox, Spiderman, and The Bathroom

Tweet Bathrooms are so important to mothers.

Are you laughing at me already? I'm serious! Think about all the time we spend in there- cleaning, potty training, pretending to poop so that we can have an excuse to lock the door for 5 minutes. It's such an important place, it deserves to be capitalized. The Bathroom. 

I could fill a novel with bathroom stories- easily. I think I posted once about how Spawn#3 tested the limits of my sanity by filling the toilet bowl with glitter, toys and the kitchen (bathroom?) sink. That was pretty horrendous. But one of the funniest things my rotten kid ever did in the bathroom had to do with Spiderman- and it was before I blogged, so I didn't take a picture (dang!). You'll have to make do with this artist's rendering- 

Yes, my adorable angelic child covered the whole, entire bathroom with a can of Spiderman "web". It was EVERYWHERE. It's too bad that our bathroom didn't have a blue theme, because the garlands hanging from the ceiling were really quite festive. The smell wanted to make you pass out, of course. But at least it didn't smell like pee in there. For once. 

I left up a little reminder of the silly string incident- right there up by the air vent. Because I haven't had 3 spare minutes in the past 2 years to drag a chair in there and get it off of the ceiling.

And while I could regale you with my bathroom stories for no reason, I actually have a point today (stop looking so surprised). The people over at Clorox, along with Sherri Shephard, have created The Clorox Lounge. It's a site designed to share a little humor about the bathroom and to give you a laugh. There's currently a Last Comic Sitting competition, where you can vote for which Mom and Dad comics tickle your funny bone.  If you're more of a Facebook person, check 'em out over there. 

*Guess what guys! Someone actually compensated me for writing something! Hilarious, huh? 

I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Clorox® blogging program, to earn My SocialMoms Rewards Points. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own. To read more posts on this topic, click here.

The Saw. And, I'm Weird

Tweet It's no secret that I think I'm hilarious. I'm always cracking myself up. Being ridiculous is my gift in life, my talent. And I'm always telling my husband how lucky he is that he has such a funny wife.

Usually I'm telling Not Blessed Dad that I'm hilarious after I've done something particularly stupid. It's a little game I play- I like to see what kind of reaction I can get out of him when I'm being absurd. One of my faves used to be putting random food scraps in his toilet to see what they would puff up to be, and what he would say. I don't know what I was expecting- him to ask me if an alien came and took a dump at our house? Sadly, the only thing he ever said was, "Who put crumbs in my toilet?". DISAPPOINTING.

Last night I decided that I needed to finally finish putting the molding around our fireplace. At 9:30 at night- because, like I said, I'm ridiculous. After poking around in the garage and not finding anything sharp, I texted my husband.

Me: I need a saw.

Him: There's one by the side of the house. The kids put it there. By the gate close to the garbage can.

Me: I can't believe you didn't ask me what I needed it for. What's wrong with you???

Him: Well, why would I ask that. (20 minutes later, after I don't respond.) Well I'm going to sleep.

If someone asked you for a saw at 9:40 at night, wouldn't you ask them what the hell they were doing? What else could it be besides sawing up dead bodies? And keep in mind that Not Blessed Dad works out of town now and is gone all week. Leaving me alone to homeschool our 3 precious (?) children by myself. And I ask for a saw late at night, and he says he's going to bed. Sheesh. 

I obviously need to up my game. 

How I Traumatize My Children- San Francisco Edition

Tweet I love San Francisco. It's diverse, interesting, crazy, fun. There's a ton to do. Last week we took the kids for a little overnight trip there. Not only do you get to see beautiful sights like this-

Visiting the sea lions at Pier 39. 

You get to see weird, crazy ass shit like this- 

This is Laffing Sal at Musée Mécanique. She's a giant, 7 foot tall freakish clown that has been scaring (delighting?) children since the 30's. Laffing Sal is just the tip of the iceberg though. Onto my very favorite thing at this arcade....

THE DEATH MACHINES.  

This was a memorable one. "The French Execution- The Bell will Toll, the Curtain rises- & you will see the Culprit pay the Penalty!" Which, of course, is getting your head chopped off. 

There were a handful of these, and of course I dragged the kids around to every one- laughing my head off.

This one was a nice change of pace- simply labeled "Execution". It had a hanging instead of a guillotine. 

The kids were really getting weirded out by these machines. I thought all those violent video games turned children into little serial killers and sadists? I feel really mis-led. 

Of course there were other things besides the murder machines- there were gumballs. 

If you are taking a trip to the Bay area, definitely stop by this lovely little arcade/museum and traumatize your children. It makes for great family memories! 

Not Blessed Mama's Unwanted and Unsolicited Product Review: Moon Dough

Tweet I hated Moon Dough before I even bought it.

I hated Moon Dough when I bought it.

I hated Moon Dough as I opened the package and gave it to my kids.

And then, I started to not hate Moon Dough. I actually started to like it.

Everyone despises Play-Doh for reasons known. I myself reviewed what a shitty product Aqua Sand was. Moon Sand was another horrid idea that I should have reviewed, and I figured Moon Dough was going to follow in their footsteps. I reluctantly bought it because it was one of four items on Spawn#3's Christmas list. How could I say no?

We got Moon Dough out and started making the popcorn. Amazingly enough, it was actually forming little popcorn nuggets that popped out of the maker. I assumed they'd fall apart when you touched them, like Moon Sand, but they held their shape. I still knew clean up would be a whore though- it's why everyone hates this stuff.

AND THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED.

I'm not going to show you a picture of what the kids did to the carpet in their room, but I will tell you it was u-g-l-y. It was bad. But I'd rather savor my 30 minutes of quiet, kid-busy time then harass them about Moon Dough. I accepted my fate and got ready to scrape Moon Dough out of the carpet fibers- and the damn stuff doesn't stick. It wiped right up. And here's the other thing- it doesn't dry out. IT DOESN'T DRY OUT AND IT DOESN'T STICK TO THE CARPET. Play-Doh, Moon Dough is kicking your ass. Big time.

It's true, it's true. I love Moon Dough. You can't be as detailed with it as Play-Doh, but did you read that I said it doesn't stick to the carpet? I just vacuumed the dust right up. I still can't get over it. If you think  Moon Dough not sticking to the carpet is nothing to be excited over, you are on the wrong blog and you need to quit judging me.

As always, this is not a paid advertisement or product review, because no one will give me anything. Whatever, companies. Whatever. 

Not Blessed Mama Cooks, Sometimes: Jamba Juice Copycat Recipe

Tweet This is Spawn#3. He doesn't eat anything.

Waffles have to be toasted exactly the right way. Pizza can't have cheese on it, unless it's from 2 specific places. The list goes on and on. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that he would never drink my yummy fruit smoothies. 

BUT, he would drink Jamba Juice. Citrus Squeeze, to be specific. I searched out the ingredients and read a bunch of copycat recipes, and this is what I came up with. Turns out the secret was orange sherbet. 

Jamba Juice Citrus Squeeze: no banana, substitute strawberry

- 1 cup orange juice (I usually add a splash more than a cup)

- 1/2 cup pineapple juice

- 1 (scant) cup ice

-1 (heaping) cup frozen strawberries (toss a banana in there if you are so inclined- we all hate banana)

-1 (scant) cup orange sherbet

Blend away, and enjoy! It kind of depresses me to add the orange sherbet, but there's no way Spawn#3 would ever touch a strawberry, so C'est la vie. 

Will your smoothie look like a glowing cup of molten lava?
Only if you take a pic of it at night with the flash on.

For Donna

Tweet This post is sponsored by The American Cancer Society.

You guys know I'm not too crazy about sponsored posts or product reviews. I don't like having to say what someone else wants just for money or free items. I'm sure I would if Mike's Hard Lemonade contacted me, or some other cool company (Disneyland? Hello?), but the opportunity just hasn't come along.

Until I saw this. The American Cancer Society is asking for help to get their message out- and how could I refuse? And when I read about this topic, I thought of Donna.

I don't know Donna- I've never met her, and I never will. Sweet Donna's life was lost to an agressive brain tumor, and I only know her beautiful story because her mom (Mary Tyler Mom) shared it on-line. In honor of Children's Cancer Awareness Month (back in September), she wrote a post every day about Donna's 31 months of treatment. I read them all. I cried, many times. It was heart wrenching- but I couldn't stop. I had to- for Donna.

So today, I dedicate this post to Donna and all of the children worldwide who fight this terrible disease. I can't imagine anything worse than losing a child- I can't imagine anything more impossible than eloquently sharing that story on-line with others. For all of the Donnas in the world, please watch this video. Sweet Donna, you don't know how much I wished you could have had more birthdays.

Atheists Are Not Ruining Christmas

Tweet So, let me tell you my friends, straight from the horse's mouth (did I just call myself a horse?): I am an atheist,and I am not trying to ruin your Christmas. My computer didn't even burst into flames when I wrote that.

On Facebook and Twitter lately, the anti-atheist sentiment has been making the rounds. I know you've seen them- rants about how people are trying to take the Christ out of CHRISTmas. Complaints about how stores can't say "Merry Christmas" anymore. An urge to take a stand against the godless heathens who are ruining the season.

Not Blessed Mama is here to tell you that Atheists Don't Hate Christmas. You can have Christ all you want. I would never presume to tell you otherwise. I don't give a crap if a store says Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah or Happy Kwanzaa. It makes no difference to me. AT ALL. I would also never be so rude as to post a status complaining about your religious preferences, but that's a whole different story.

As a matter of fact, I love the Christmas season. I love trees and lights and cookies and presents and yummy food and making my loved ones happy.  And no, I don't participate in the religious side of Christmas- but that is no one's business but mine. Just like anyone else's choice to celebrate Christ is their business.

I know I am always imploring you to think about the children (the children! think of the children!) but this season I have a different request: Won't anyone think of the atheists? Leave atheists alone this Christmas. I promise I'll do the same for you.

Not Blessed Mama's Unwanted and Unsolicited Product Review: Bio Sphere Living Ecosystem

Tweet It's not often that I stumble upon a product that makes me want to sing it's praises to high heaven. (Not since the glorious Suave Dry Shampoo post. And do you want to know what Suave said when I e-mailed them that I wrote a slightly wildly popular blog post about them? "Thanks! Sign up for our mailing list to receive special offers and information!" Bastards.) Anywho, recently we ordered something I am totally in love with. And of course, I had to share it with you, my dear mama friends.

You know that we love pets in the Not Blessed household. You've seen our guinea pigs and cyborg cat, and if you didn't, that's a shame because I am too lazy to go dig up the pictures. But animals are a lot of work- kind of like children. You feed them, you clean up their poop, and all they do is make a mess and look cute. And make lots of irritating noises.

Well, Not Blessed Mama is SO TIRED OF CLEANING UP POOP. There's poop everywhere. Guinea pig poop, fish poop, cat poop, and if I'm unlucky, human poop. So much poop. Definitely too much.

 Enter our new "pets":

It's the Bio Sphere Living Ecosystem from Hearthsong. Look! It's cute little tiny shrimps, living in a sealed container. No feeding- no pooping- no dying- just cute little shrimps swimming around! It's a little pricey at thirty dollars, but it sure as hell is worth it to have some animals in the house that won't stink up the place and rip holes in your sofa.

And these things are hardy. I accidentally left them outside overnight (or two nights) (or three) when I was trying to get them some indirect sunlight, and they survived. The only thing you have to do for these suckers is open the sphere once a month for the first 3 months to give them some air- and that's it! The directions said they live a long time too, like 4 years. I'm not sure exactly how long, since we spilled water on the directions and tossed them. I don't even really know what they eat, which kind of makes me a failure since this was bought with my homeschool funds. But forget all that! Do not buy your kid a cat- or a guinea pig- or a dog. Buy them some friendly little crustaceans and enjoy the easy life of a shrimp owner.

This is not a paid or sponsored post. Bio Sphere and Hearthsong do not know me- please do not tell them I am writing about them, or they'd probably send me a cease-and-desist letter. 

Halloween Costumes: Made With Love- Or Bought With Love?

Tweet When I was a kid, my mom lovingly hand made my Halloween costumes. I had a beautiful Snow White, and a super cute fancy mermaid. I also had a horribly not-flattering orange flapper dress (but I've forgiven her for that- I think she was getting tired).

That's not me- but that's the pattern she used.

To continue the tradition, I've made most of the Spawn's costumes. We've had an anglerfish (only one man knew what it was- God Bless you, random neighbor. He said it was the best costume he'd seen all night), a mermaid, a princess, a wizard and who knows what else. There have been a few random store bought costumes thrown in here and there- a spider witch, a pirate. Until last year, when the Spawn revolted. They all wanted store bought costumes. 

Wear your damn Spiderperson costumes while you break my heart.

I was a little sad. Just like when I was growing up, the grass was greener on the other side. All I ever wanted were those chintzy store bought costumes, while my mom was slaving over wonderful homemade costumes as a labor of love. And now my lousy ungrateful kids were repeating history. Shunning my creative, lovingly handcrafted creations for polyester crap from Wal-Mart.

Sigh.

This year I decided I would make or buy what anyone wanted. I got a request for one homemade Halloween witch, one chainsaw and one set of ninja swords. And now I'm thinking.....

WHY THE HELL DID I WANT TO SEW ANYTHING? 

Halloween is 3 days away and Spawn#2's witch costume is in 20 pieces. We're so busy and tired I can't even think about sewing it without getting a headache. Seriously, who gives a crap where a costume comes from? All the kids want is candy. 

When I asked Spawn#2 if we could go buy her a costume, she almost cried. Dammit.

Do you make or buy your costumes? And do you feel guilty over which you choose?

OMG CALL THE PRESIDENT! BARBIE HAS TATTOOS

Tweet My loyal readers know that here at Not Blessed Mama, we take social issues very seriously. Just recently we had the One Million Moms Who Eat Balls initiative, which was a smashing success (thank you friends). Mothers Against Bare Shoulders also did quite well- if we have saved one girl from the torture of having to wear a tank top, then we've done our job. But we cannot be complacent! There are always new threats and attacks on our children. As mothers, we must always be vigilant and ready to answer a call to action. And I have one for you. 

This time it's Barbie. 

This is the face of evil. 

Yes, Barbie. Tokidoki Barbie. Have you ever seen a more sickening thing in your life? Look at her- covered in tattoos, with pink hair. And you haven't even seen it all yet...

Look at those clothes! And even her pet is atrocious- wearing a cactus costume. It makes me shiver with revulsion.

And the more I look at it.... the cuter I think it is. IT'S ADORABLE. I love it. I love her purse- I think I had one like it. I love her haircut- I've for sure had that bob, and pink hair on many occasions. But now we've got the internets and a bunch of parents saying they are worried their children will want tattoos when they are older. OH LORD NO, PLEASE NOT TATTOOS. ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Let me tell you something: I worry. I worry a lot. I wonder if my children will turn out to be well rounded, intelligent, caring human beings. I worry about them finding jobs, finding fufillment, finding happiness. I worry about them being healthy and safe. I worry about what the future will bring. But one thing I do not worry about is tattoos. If your children getting ink is a huge concern for you, then you need to re-think your priorities. 

And seriously, who doesn't have a tattoo these days? My parents have more than I do. We even have a family tattoo artist- and we're not some leather wearing, Harley riding freaks. Okay, my parents are, but I'm not. I'm just me. Little ol' Not Blessed Mama. Who never wants her daughter to have an eating disorder. Who never wants her sons to fight in a war. But does not, and will not ever, care if her children get tattoos.

Yup, that's me. 

By the way, this Barbie is $50 and a collector's item. My daughter will not be receiving this Barbie, but just because there's no way I'm wasting $5o on a Barbie that will wind up with its head missing and its clothes down the bathtub drain.

My (Weird) Baby

Tweet This is my baby. (My four-and-a-half year old baby.)

He's a mama's boy. He puts his little arms around my neck and hugs me and whispers, "I'll never let you go mom." Whenever he visits Grandma, he comes home and tells me how much he missed me. He wanted to marry me, until I had the nerve to tell him that boys couldn't marry their mamas. Boy was he pissed.

As much as I love this little guy- and my love stretches to the moon and back- this kid is WEIRD. He has a flair for the dramatic. He's always dressing up in assorted odd costumes. His latest accessory- well, I just have to show you. You'll be so jealous.

Why YES, that is a plastic Winco shopping bag. You see, Spawn#3 likes to tote his various treasures around, and he likes to do it in the most white trash way possible. And his collections..... they're interesting. (Although this one is missing the nails- I insisted on taking them away when we went to the park.)

 There are some normal kid things in there. Dollars, coins, markers. Sunglasses, candy.

And then you get to the weird stuff- Anbesol, a packet of Equal, a small cleaning brush, grape Laffy Taffy chapstick, Mucinex, a tablet of applications for the Home Depot Garden Club, a used Subway card.

And like I said, I took away the nails. He's also had vitamins, a single sock, sparklers (these seemed to alarm some of the people at a playdate, for some reason), and a million other things I can't remember. All lugged around in a flimsy plastic bag until it falls apart.

I tell you, I love that weird kid. He takes after his mother. 

Lice, Your Child, And You (You Being The Horrible Parent)

Tweet Oh, Not Blessed Mama has had one of those weeks, yes she has. Now we're in the middle of dealing with a possible lice infestation. Yup, homeschoolers can get lice too, apparently. Doesn't seem fair, but anyway. I have learned some things about lice this week, and I'd like to share them with you.

1.THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. You are a horrible parent. You didn't wash the sheets enough, you never clean the house, and now your kid has lice. How could you let this happen?

2. ONLY DIRTY POOR PEOPLE GET LICE. And now, everyone will know that you are a dirty poor person. They will all find out- oh yes, they will. And they'll tell e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e! EVERYONE will be talking about it. Congrats.

3. YOU NEED TO TREAT YOUR WHOLE FILTHY HOUSE FOR THOSE BUGS. Anything within a one mile radius of your child needs to be sprayed with Lysol, doused in bleach and set on fire.


4. YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUST MOVE, IF YOU COMPLETED #3 PROPERLY. It'll be better if you move anyway- your kids might have a chance at a normal life.

5. HURRY AND GO BUY SOME LICE SHAMPOO TO KILL THOSE SUCKERS. If you expect your kid to ever be bug-free, get your hiney to the store and buy that ridiculously over-priced crap. All the good parents do.

6. IF YOU USE TOXIC LICE SHAMPOO, YOU ARE POISONING YOUR CHILD. Only a moron would put that toxic crap on their kid. You need to douse your kid in olive oil and mayonnaise and light a stick of incense. All the good parents do.

7. THE LICE WILL NEVER BE GONE AND YOU NEED TO OBSESSIVELY CHECK FOR THEM. You should probably get some Red Bull, coffee and crank, because you won't be sleeping for the next 6 months. Every night will be spent picking through your child's hair with the light from your phone.

8. KILLING YOURSELF MAY BE EASIER. I'm sorry, my friend. I don't advocate violence in any situation, except for lice. It's just not worth living anymore once lice is in your house.


Well, I hope that you have enjoyed Not Blessed Mama's tips for treating lice! Good luck!

Of course this post was written in jest- if you need real information regarding lice, check out a website such as Dr. Sears.

The Hidden Danger That's Threatening Our Daughters

Tweet Our daughters are in danger.

There's an epidemic facing our young ones, and no one's talking about it. I only recently had my eyes opened to the situation, but I'm here to break the silence.

This is the face of fear.

Tank tops.

Yes, tank tops. Young girls going around with bare shoulders. I'm not even sure how our society got to a place where it was deemed acceptable for a tot to prance around in a spaghetti strap sundress, but something needs to be done about it. Take a look at these facts*:

- 67% of girls who are allowed to wear tank tops drop out of high school.

- Teen pregnancy is 82% more likely in a girl who was raised in a bare-shoulder household.

- 73% of the female homeless population was allowed to wear spaghetti straps before they were 18.

- Mothers of bare-shouldered girls are 89% more likely to consume alcohol weekly.

You know that Not Blessed Mama is always interested in important causes. That's why I'm starting the MABS Foundation- Mothers Against Bare Shoulders. If you take just a moment today to make a contribution to MABS, 100% of your tax-deductible donation will go to rehabilitating a sweet, innocent child who has suffered from living a life with her shoulders exposed. With your generosity, these girls will have a chance at living a normal, functional life. A shoulders-covered life. Don't we owe it to the younger generation? Give our daughters a chance. Donate to MABS today. Thank you.

*All statistics in this article are from the Not Blessed Mama Insitiute of Fictional Research.

Not Blessed Mama's Unwanted And Unsolicited Product Review: Instagram

Tweet

I do not take nice pictures. I am not interested in taking wonderful pictures. I just want to take a picture, have my kids look good, and move on with my life. Sadly, it doesn't always work that way, and I'm stuck with a bunch of crappy pictures.

Fortunately, that life changing device that I like to call my iPhone has the perfect solution. What can't an iPhone do? Seriously, if you don't have an iPhone, it will change your life. Now that that's out of the way, if you have an iPhone, you need to check out Instagram.

Instagram is a free app that has been blowing up in popularity. It's a camera app that allows you to add different effects to your photos after you take them. Hipstamatic is a similar app, but I'm pretty sure I paid for Hipstamatic and you have to choose the lense and filter before you take the pic (and sometimes your choice is not ideal).

Here's a pic I took of Spawn#2 that didn't turn out too well. I wanted to get a pic of her cute new outfit, but she was in a rush and didn't feel like posing. The results were less than stellar.

After importing the picture to Instagram and adding a cool filter, the pic looked much better. Arty, defined, sharper. I love the results!

Here are a few more examples.

I highly recommend you check out Instagram so you can pretend to be an arty, farty photographer like me. Instagram also allows you to easily share your photos on social networking sites as well (like Twitter!), and we all know how important that is to bloggers.

As usual, no one provided me with any free products for this review- and since Instagram is free, I guess that wouldn't make sense anyway. Also, as usual, if anyone has any free cool stuff, send it my way, would ya?

The Bad Mom Movement

Tweet Not too long ago, I tweeted this:

When I wrote this, I was not joking. Spawn#3 was screaming at me for some ridiculous reason (maybe we were out of bread or something), and he stomped out the door and slammed the screen. It's one of his favorite new hobbies- super charming. That thought I had was so ugly and yucky, I hesitated before I tweeted it. Ultimately I had to adhere to the Not Blessed Mama policy of keepin' it real, so I tweeted my bad mothering skills out into the internets. 

And wouldn't you know- I got a positive response. And not just one, but several.

One mama sympathized that she had been there, done that. Another friend tweeted that she wished that every day about her dogs. I got a couple re-tweets. And this is why I love the bad mom movement.

Back when Spawn#1 was born (ten whole years ago), there was no blogging community or Twitter. I struggled through being a new mother mostly on my own. Well, you know what? Being a mom is hard. IT'S HARD. Every day, us moms are juggling 5 million things on our to do list, on top of raising and nurturing and feeding children, trying our best to make sure they don't grow up to be total assholes. Oh yeah, and don't forget trying to remain a person, not just a Mom. It's a lot of work. It's exhausting. And sometimes, it just sucks.

These days, when the Spawn are acting like baby jerks, I can jump on Twitter and get sympathy from my online friends. I can write a blog post and share the pictures of when Spawn#3 dumped red paint all over the floor so he could paint his body with it. I can talk to my mamas about how. it. sucks. And, they get it. You get it. You know. You know it's never ending, and it's tiring, and it's frustrating and sometimes you lose yourself. You get all that. You also know why it's so awesome, and why we do it. You just get it. 

Never again will I smile my way through a hellacious day just to pretend that everything is okay. I will share and revel in not only the joys, but the big fat disappointments and screw ups too. Thank god for technology!

Bad moms unite!