November 30, 2010

Why Must The Post Office Be So Hellish?

Everyone hates the post office- that's no secret. I avoid it at all costs, which is actually pretty easy. Unfortunately, lately I have been E-baying my butt off to get Christmas money and we are out of printer ink (I have a cartridge ordered but it's taking a while). Yesterday I had no choice but to drag the Spawn to the USPS at about 4:30 pm (which is the witching hour in post office world- right before closing). WOW was it crowded- there was even a line for the automated machine. 
Now, you have heard me complain about my Spawn before, but in reality I think they're pretty normal, average, rotten children. We go places- sometimes it sucks, mostly it's fine. But the post office. *shudder* What is it about the post office? It's like a full moon to a werewolf, but for children. The second we approach the door the Spawn are racing in, elbowing each other for first place- what's the prize? Apparently only dirty looks from senior citizens. As we took our place in line I quietly threatened the Spawn with serious bodily harm if they did not stand next to me and be quiet. Why is that place so quiet? Why does it echo so much? Every move makes a huge sound- and when the Spawn make huge noises, it's echoed around the world. 
As we stood in line, the Spawn did everything they could to make sure every one in the place was staring at us. Stomp their feet, push each other, argue loudly about who gets to hold the packages, throw toys on the floor. To make it even better, we were all slobby with un-brushed hair after having a lazy day at home. Maybe people thought we were wild people from the forest and it was the first time we had been in a building?
I finally completed my transaction, and waited for Spawn#2 to put my last package in the drop slot. Waiting, waiting, waiting.... "Mommy, it's not working." Well of course it had gotten jammed  on my last package! I grabbed a postal employee to let them know, so 50 people wouldn't be smashing my box while trying to get the drawer open. He quickly ran in the back to check- I imagine he'd probably have done anything to get us out of there. 
This is Spawn#1 before we went in. I suppose I should have known how awful it would be if he was preparing for battle. 

November 26, 2010

Black Friday, You Were Fun

But I cannot say I will miss you. One day a year of crazy, insane, psychotic shopping is enough for me. I saw on the news that our local Toys 'R' Us was expecting 2,000-3,000 people. CRAZY! And hello, on-line shopping.
I did venture out though for a little bit, and got to chat with an old friend while waiting in the whoreanus lines. So I had fun. But, now I am exhausted and have a Black Friday hangover and am very grateful to be guest posting over at Things I Can't Say's Blog Friend Feature- Black Friday Edition, of course! So go check out my words of wisdom over there, 'cause I'm about to take a nap.

November 24, 2010

Wordless Wednesday... And A Few Words

Do you need a door kicked in?
Do you want fast, friendly service
with a smile?
Then please consider
for all your door kicking-in needs!
Lock your keys in the garage?
Husband out of town?
Not Blessed Mama can kick that door right in for you.
Her prices can't be beat!
Want that pesky door to break right in half?
Not Blessed Mama can do that too!
Don't delay, call today!

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving, my dear mama friends. 

November 22, 2010

OTT: High Heels

Hello, my dear mama friends. Today's off-topic tantrum is brought to you by none other than those atrocities called high heels. On their own, I don't think they're that bad. Sure, they're uncomfortable, bad for your feet, expensive.... but it doesn't bother me when I see people wear them. Some are really cute.....
These beauties are by a company called Iron Fist and I am a little infatuated with them. I mean, high heels and zombies? Pure genius. Alas, you do not see many plus sized mamas flitting about in high heels, and there is a reason for that.
BUT, what has really been irking me lately (irking- isn't that a great word? If it's a word) has been these pregnant celebrities I see out on the red carpet in their stilettos. 
 Christina Applegate- doesn't she look gorgeous? And adorable? Glowing? YES, she does! And when she gets home and her feet swell to twice their normal size, she's not going to be glowing so much anymore. Please, pregnant celebrity mamas, ditch the high heels. It hurts me to watch you walk around in them. It can't feel good. It's gotta be dangerous- can't the surgeon general chime in on this? Grant a reprieve to all pregnant woman from heels over an inch? It's something I'm going to work on. 

November 15, 2010

Things I Love.... And Don't

Things I Love...
1. A quiet rainy afternoon, curled up in a comfy chair with a good book and the window open to listen to the soft droplets fall.
2. Cooking and enjoying a delicious, relaxing dinner at home with my family.
3. Having a date night with my husband and going to the drive-in to watch movies- childless!
4. Cuddling up with my little ones at bedtime to tell stories, snuggle and laugh. 
5. The warmth of a purring kitten curled up between my feet.
6. The laughter of a good friend during a long phone conversation.
7. The excitement and promise of the holiday season, and the joy of sharing it with my loved ones.
8. Kind neighbors who are thoughtful enough to call when my car light gets left on.
9. A big, cozy, comfy, warm sweater.
10. My beautiful, healthy family. 

Things I Don't Love
1. The Spawn getting muddy and wet within 2 seconds of walking out of the door on a rainy day.
2. Burning dinner and having my husband ask me why I burned the dinner. 
3. Wasting $14 to watch 2 lousy movies at the drive-in while I freeze my arse off.
4. Being forced to threaten the Spawn with bodily injury if sleeping does not immediately commence. 
5. The psychotic cat biting, attacking and licking my feet while I try to sleep. 
6. My friends being too busy with their hectic lives to listen to me complain about my hectic life. 
7. Stores forcing me to start my Christmas shopping the day after Halloween. 
8. Neighbors who give me the evil eye because my kid spilled nail polish in their driveway- once!
9. My new big, comfy, cozy sweater stained with a batch of homemade goo.
10. My crabby, sniffley family. 

What are you loving and hating lately?

November 10, 2010

November 8, 2010

Not Blessed Mama Cooks... Sometimes

So, what's for dinner tonight, my dear Mama friends? In our house it's.....

frickin' nothin'.
Not Blessed Daddy has been working out of town during the week for a while now. And while he is a lazy ass bump on a log doesn't always help out at home, at least there is another adult in the house. Another adult to distract the screaming, crazy, relentless, lovely Spawn. Single Mamas, I salute you. It sucks major ass to be the only adult around. It's hard. Lately I have been so tired- the house is suffering, the cooking is suffering. The Spawn don't seem to be suffering, but I did find a pig's head on a stick in the backyard. Oh wait, that was in a book.
About the cooking.... I thought I'd share another of my super simple recipes that the Spawn are just loving lately. 

Not Blessed Mama's Famous Pasta
1. Boil spaghetti.
2. Put in a bowl with parmesan cheese.
3. Eat!

This dish will be a favorite in your house, I promise! It doesn't seem to go over so well at potlucks and on the holidays, but we love it anyway. 
Do you have any simple, easy, quick recipes you'd like to share? Because you KNOW I need them!

November 3, 2010

Wordless Wednesday... and a few words

The funny things is- they were both awake. ;)

Christmas Cards from Shutterfly

You all know how much I love Shutterfly- I've been using them for years, and even had their photo cards as my first give-away. Well Shutterfly is now offering  20% off all holiday cards..... and they have the cutest designs. I love making photo cards to send out. People get to see my cute Spawn, I don't have to write a message (since it's printed on the photos), and I don't even have to SIGN the dang things. And some of the designs are quite affordable:
This design is great because I can never get a decent picture of the 3 Spawn together. Someone is always looking drunk or making a fist behind someone's head. 
This card (and this one too) also have multiple spaces for pictures. This year, I think I'd like to get as many of
our animals in on the Christmas card action as possible. How awesome would it be if our 3 guinea pigs were wearing Santa hats and wishing people Merry Christmas? It' be sweet!

Shutterfly is giving me 50 free photo cards to blog about how awesome they are. And they are awesome, trust me! I continue to be a satisfied customer. 

November 1, 2010

The Two Most Important Things I Have Learned In My Life

Not Blessed Mama has been around the block a few times. She's learned a few things. She's seen things.......
Ok, not really. But I do have two wonderfully awesome tips from my dear friends that I feel the need to pass on to you. They are beautiful in their simplicity. Without further ado...

Do you ever hang wet laundry or towels (or bathing suits or bath mats or jackets or hand-washed halloween costumes) from your shower curtain rod? I always used to- until one day at a friend's house, and I saw the inside of her shower. My life was forever changed. 
Do you know what you are looking at? Has the Earth moved beneath your feet? That's right- it's my bathtub, with two curtain rods. Yes, I know- how brilliant is this? Not only do I now have plenty of room for hanging items to dry, I can simply pull the outer curtain closed and all items are easily hidden when company comes. Wow. It's utter genius. 

You may know that Not Blessed Mama loves wearing skirts and dresses. Sometimes when you are wearing a skirt or dress, your thighs can get sweaty and sticky. It's ok, we can talk about it- we're all friends here. This tip actually comes from a friend's sister, but it has changed my life in such an amazing way that I must tell you that.....
Deodorant applied to the insides of the thighs will keep you feeling smooth and soft, even in the stickiest (hehe) of situations. And if you're thighs don't ever touch, we probably shouldn't be friends. Just kidding. Not. Yes I am. 

Well my dear Mama friends, I hope you have enjoyed these lovely tips. I know they have probably brightened your whole day- or maybe even life. You're welcome!

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