July 31, 2010

Here Baby, There Mama- Everywhere Daddy Daddy- Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair...

"Hello girls!" exclaimed the couple passing us on the sidewalk today. "Ahh, all girls, huh?" smiled the older gentleman at the grocery store. "Look at her wavy hair" came from the man at the register in the electronics store, gesturing to Spawn#3. I smile and nod, playing the part of the proud parent. And I am proud of my Spawn- they're all gorgeous, and they all have beautiful long(ish) locks- but unfortunately, they are not all girls. 
Boy, boy, girl. 

When Spawn#1 was born, Not Blessed Daddy and I were of course enraptured with him. His smooth creamy skin, adorable sparkling eyes, thick dark brown hair. And that hair kept growing and growing, and we didn't cut it. Why would we? It was so soft and smooth and sleek, and a beautiful chestnut brown. We couldn't bring ourselves to- there was no reason. Because society arbitrarily says boys have to have short hair? Pshaw. To me that makes as much sense as society dictating that women should not have hair on their legs or armpits but a small amount on the arms is permissible. Who makes up this crap? People have hair on there bodies. All over the place. If Mother Nature meant my legs to be as smooth as silk, I'd have dolphin legs.

Unfortunately, because of my crazy and radical hippie ideas about hair, Spawn#1 has pretty much been called a girl his whole life. Long hair on boys was much rarer 9 years ago than it is now, but we're still getting the stereotype (I must admit that Spawn#3 takes the brunt now). He has a lovely angelic face- people just assume that a sweet face and long-ish hair make a girl. I'm not sure why camo pants and shirts with dump trucks don't make a boy, but that's the way it is.

So the next time you see a cherubic tot with long tresses, hold your tongue for 5 seconds before you make a comment about them. Check out the outfit- look for barrettes- check the shoes. Generally there are hints that will clue you in to the little one's gender, and you can avoid uncomfortable conversations like this one:
Acquaintance: Oh, you have two girls?
Me: No, there are my kids right there- Spawn#1 and #2.
Acquaintance: But I didn't think you had two girls?
Me: No, that's Spawn#1 and there's Spawn#2. 
Acquaintance: (in a hesitant voice) Oohhh.... I thought you only had one girl, so I wasn't sure....
Me: (blank stare)
Acquaintance: (uncomfortable laughter- walks away)

And now I would like to leave you with some photos of men with long/ish hair, who have all been very successful in their lives.
Ben Franklin


Willie Nelson (yes, I know, he went to the
dark side- no one's perfect!)

(incredibly hot) Capt. Jack Sparrow

And, of course, Jesus

July 25, 2010

Now It's Time To Play Our Game......

Two of these things belong together
Two of these things are kind of the same
Can you guess which one is doing it's own thing? 
Now it's time to play our game
Time to play our game....

I think it really sucks that the Spawn had to do this with my big generic carton of rainbow sherbet right in the front, but oh well. Keepin' it real!
So, my dear mama friends, have you guessed which item doesn't belong in the freezer? If you guessed macaroni and cheese, you were right! Spawn#1 can't even tell me why he did it. And in a true testament to just how weird our family is, Not Blessed Daddy didn't even comment on the Kraft. Simply moved it out of the way to get the sherbet. What can I say?

July 23, 2010

Laundry is Evil

I am of the opinion that all housework is evil, really. There is such a staggering amount of it- and who is responsible for the great majority of it? That's right, women. It's a sad, twisted world. And laundry has got to be one of the worst chores- it's a daily, never ending, time consuming, vicious cycle. It's not like dishes, or other repetitive chores- if you're out of dishes, you eat out of the carton, with your hands or on a napkin. If your carpet/floor is dirty, you walk on crumbs. If your clothes are all dirty, you go out smelling funky and looking like a transient, and people will hand your kids quarters and shake their heads sadly as they walk away. You may be thinking that this is the silly ranting of a mad woman- and you are absolutely right. But in my defense, I'd like to offer some evidence as to why laundry is evil:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

And you know what, I just realized I forgot to take pictures of the dirty towel hamper and Spawn#2's hamper. If all this laundry isn't enough to make you want to off yourself, I don't know what will. So, in conclusion, I believe that I have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that laundry is, indeed, evil. Thank you. 

July 21, 2010

The Fish Tank Mystery

The Spawn stayed up way too late tonight..... waaaaaay to late. I dragged myself out of bed around 12:45am and wasted spent an hour on the internet. Around 2 I decided I wasn't going to get any work done and I should just go to bed (late nights aren't unusual for me; Spawn-free time is vital to my sanity!), and that's when things started getting interesting. On my way to bed I noticed something fishy (hehehe) going on in the fish tank..... there was something really weird happening in there....

Notice all those floofy looking things on the bottom and stuck to the filters? Yeah, I couldn't figure out what they were either. I looked and looked and pondered and puzzled...... and finally realized they were......
Yup, Spawn#3 dumped a good amount of cornflakes in the fish tank. Why? I'm sure we'll never know. It will be one of life's greatest mysteries. I bet that when I am on my death bed, my final thought will be, "Why oh why did Spawn#3 dump cornflakes in the fish tank?" I decided (regretfully) that cleaning out the cornflakes at 2 in the morning would be better than hearing Not Blessed Daddy cursing at 4 in the morning. Oh, and just because I couldn't believe that I was scooping cornflakes out of the fish tank at 2 in the morning, here's the proof:

I started scooping out the disgustingly mushy cereal and let me tell you, that eel would not leave me alone. I even fed the dang things so they'd let me scoop out the mess in peace. No such luck- they were probably on a sugar high, or developing fish diabetes. Not Blessed Mama does not do fish- that's all Daddy's hobby. N.B.M. doesn't touch slimy, icky things- it's just the way she is. So that eel was creepin' me out, big time. 

Leave me alone, eel!

Spawn#3, here is what i think of you dumping cornflakes in the fish tank:

I finally finished scooping out what I could- there was still a bunch of marine snow floating around, but hopefully I got enough out for the filters to do their job. And as I uploaded these pictures, I found this one of Spawn#3 being adorable...

Fortunately for him, it should be just enough to keep me from smothering him as I drag my fishy, stinky, tired self to bed. Consider yourself lucky, Spawn#3.

July 18, 2010

It's Not the Law to Wear a Bra

 If you know Not Blessed Mama, you know that she hates bras. Bras suck. They are instruments of torture. So here are the top 10 reasons Not Blessed Mama recommends you do not wear a bra:
1. As mentioned above, it's not the law to wear a bra. Can someone make this into a bumper sticker?
2. You are not 15 anymore- no reason to force your breasts back up to where they were 15 years ago. They'll thank you for it.
3. Nursing bras are a pain in the butt. I'm estimating you could save about an hour of crying over the span of a year if you simply didn't wear a bra. Your nursing babe will thank you, and think about her improved disposition!
4. Underwire. Enough said.
5. It's hot right now in sunny California. Hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk, I'm sure. Any extraneous articles of clothing should be immediately shed.
6. Some feminists see the brassiere as a symbol of repression. I'd like to add stilettos to that category. And thongs, bikini waxes and pantyhose.
7. Lingerie is a billion dollar industry. Don't you have better things to spend your money on?
8. Amy Winehouse is seen out regularly in only a bra, and look what happened to that poor girl.
9. When was the last time you saw a man wearing a bra? Nipple equality, baby. We should have just as much a right to show ours.
10. With all of those discarded bras, we could make a purse for every woman in all of the third world countries on our planet.

July 15, 2010

Shameless Self Promotion- brought to you by NBM

After I had children, I learned that you had to let go of some things. Dignity, self respect, cleanliness, a will to live.... you know, that type of thing. So without further ado, I am BEGGING asking you to vote for your favorite blog, NOT BLESSED MAMA, in Hip Mountain Mama's Anniversary Contest! It's a blog about living a natural family life, and she has an awesome store with all kinds of Waldorf inspired and natural products. I entered my blog post about going green (you know, the one where I told you not to shower or change your clothes?) and would love it if you could take some time out of your busy mama schedules to go and vote for me. You each get 3 votes, and you don't even have to be registered as a blogger- just post anonymously. And why don't you take a cue from Not Blessed Mama and abandon your shame- vote 3 times, right in a row! You have until July 31st. And thank you so much, my dear mama friends. You know who loves you.

July 12, 2010

Peanut Butter and Jelly

As you may have heard, Not Blessed Mama is not much of a cook. I do cook, all the time, but i don't really enjoy it. As I've said before- if dinner is something other than potato chips, I'm pretty happy (although don't get me wrong, Spawn#1-3 would be perfectly happy to eat chips 24/7). A while ago a friend told me about a Rachel Ray recipe she tried. She gave it a thumbs down, but I love weird food (especially easy-to-make weird food) so I gave it a try. It's basically just a pb&j sandwich fried up like french toast. Rachel recommends serving with maple syrup, and said friend deemed it too sweet- noooooo way. I love this recipe! I don't think I'd want to eat it as a meal, because with syrup it is sweet. And that's exactly why I like it- it really satisfies your sweet tooth but also gives you something substantial to eat at the same time. Now I may not go as far as Ms. Ray and claim that this recipe is good for you- but if you use natural peanut or nut butter (we like freshly ground), all fruit jelly, some decent bread and real maple syrup.... well, it's not that bad for you. More nutritional than say, a piece of cheesecake I'm sure. Next time you're craving something sweet that's simple, fast and easy to prepare, give this recipe a try. And if you're disappointed- blame Rachel, not me!

July 9, 2010

What's in your Bag?

I was intrigued when I noticed IndyGrrrl's blog post about what was in her purse. The purse itself was adorable, just gorgeous- and a Betseyville (I must admit I am a tiny bit of a purse snob- really, just a tiny, tiny bit). All of her belongings were neatly organized and beautiful. It was like a work of art. But you know Not Blessed Mama- she's always gotta go and ruin everything by keeping it real.... So without further ado, here are the contents of Hip Mama's bag!

The purse itself is one of my fav's- my first Harajuku Lovers, a grey bag with an adorable kitty girl print. You can see it's pretty filthy here- after I emptied it out, I put it through the washer and it looks much better.

Ooooh, and look inside- I have no idea how this happened!

What a disaster. It was such an awful, messy jumble that I had to sort the crap into piles so I could get rid of it. So here are piles number one and two-

Pile #1 on the left is paper to keep- Pile #2 on the right is garbage paper.
Next comes the real garbage......

Awful! What is wrong with you, not Blessed Mama! For shame.... the pile on the left is actually not garbage, it's stuff I want to keep but it's all covered in metled chocolate.... yum yum.

Yup, that is a thermometer caked with melted chocolate. A nice touch, I think. Onto the Spawn's junk..


Look at this varied assortment here.... if we were trapped in our car in a snow covered ravine, we'd be entertained for days.... or minutes. Let's see, there was Spawn#3's tank top, Weinerschnitzel coin purse, suction cup dart, paddle ball and baby nail clippers. Spawn#1 has Pokemon cards, Bakugan, Legos and a Wimpy Kid novel. Spawn#2 is sorely under-represented here, with only a heart and a necklace.
Now, onto Mama's personal junk....

My very favorite is the Ed Hardy iPhone case, for the future iPhone I hope to own some day. My Fossil wallet (which matches a different purse), a flash drive, some money, Burt's Bees Lip Balm, Neo-To-Go, 3 plastic forks, 3 pens, an MP3 player (covered in afore-mentioned chocolate), keys to my grandmother's house, a spare blade for my scrap-booking paper cutter, Bath and Body Works hand sanitizer and a very treasured belonging- my "alcohol rock". It was made for me by a very dear friend- it's supposed to be used as a calming object, you hold it in your hand and it helps bring you peace. And what special  word could be more relaxing, have more meaning than alcohol? (Unfortunately it got covered in melted lip balm, sorry, Kim!) I swear this purse had to weigh about 10 pounds. 
And there you have it folks, the fat disaster you wind up with in your purse when you are the over-worked, utterly exhausted Mama of 3 Spawn! I would love to see or hear about what's in your bags as well. 

July 8, 2010

I Love Twilight and I Am Not Ashamed

Today I went to see the newest Twilight movie, Eclipse- and I L.O.V.E.D. it. I am a Twi-hard and I am not ashamed. While I don't have a Team Edward tattoo, I have read all of the books (ahem*repeatedly*ahem) and do enjoy the movies.
I don't get why people are so down on Twilight. I didn't watch the show Lost- did you see me on FB every day ragging on how it sucked? That stupid smoke monster business? Sparkly vampires are much more appealing than smoke monsters! You're not Team Edward or Team Jacob? I don't care! I don't even care if you're Team Limbaugh, it's none of my business. Let people enjoy what they like and leave them alone. So what if I'm a 31 year old mother of three swooning over teenager-vampire-werewolf love triangles. Did you ever stop to think that there may be a reason moms like Twilight? Well, duh, there is! It's the fantasy. It's the escapism. It's the romance. Young love, first kisses, butterflies and promises of devotion. When was the last time your baby daddy pledged his eternal love to you? I'm guessing you're probably having to think back quite a few years, aren't you. I'm not saying parenthood and marriage and commitment aren't wonderful things- they are. It's just that sometimes Mamas (in particular) need a break- from the constant cleaning, whining, crying, dirty diapers and sibling rivalry. If you throw in some romance and mystery, you have the perfect respite for a worn down, hard workin' Mama. And everybody knows, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
So the next time your Mama friend is pledging her love for Twilight, please cut her some slack and let her have her fun- and I promise not to tell anyone how much you love The Bachelorette. 
If you enjoy Twilight, click here and you will not be disappointed. You're welcome.

July 4, 2010

Happy Independence Day!

I hope you all are enjoying this special holiday, my dear mamas friends. The 4th of July is a wonderful opportunity to remember why we love and are grateful for our country.
This year the Spawn have been ridiculous about fireworks. In our city, they went on sale the Monday before the 4th. We went with Not Blessed Dad and hit about 4 fireworks stands on Friday- he's just as big of a kid as they are (or more?). And let me tell you, if I hear the Spawn ask one more time when we do fireworks or how long until dark, I am going to lose my flipping mind. Spawn#3 is only 3 years old, so his impatience is slightly more understandable than 6 year old Spawn#2's. So, in light of recent events, I have been carefully formulating a plan for future 4th of July's and I'm even thinking about going commercial. OK, here's what I'm thinking-
1. Fireworks will only be sold on July 4th.
2. All Spawn will receive a safe, organic, natural, strong-as-hell sleeping potion on the 3rd of July at bedtime. It will wear off at dusk on the 4th of July.
3. Parents will go buy all fireworks on the 4th of July while Spawn are rendered unconscious.
4. Spawn will wake as the sun sets on the 4th, energized and ready for fireworks- sparing parents from being asked TEN THOUSAND TIMES when it's time to do fireworks.
I'm really thinking an all inclusive kit with everything you need to survive the holiday is a product that would be in great demand in our society.
From all of us here at Not Blessed Mama, have a safe, happy and wonderful 4th of July holiday with your families.
Related Posts with Thumbnails