I Commissioned A Painting Of My Guinea Pigs

Tweet I love that I can write that- it just feels representative of my life. I Commissioned A Painting Of My Guinea Pigs. I mean, why wouldn't I?

One day I was chatting with my pal It's A Dome Life (I'm sorry Lillian, I always name everyone their Twitter handles. It's a sickness.) and I rather jokingly mentioned that I wanted a painting of my guinea pigs with rainbows and unicorns. Lillian, not realizing what a bumbling fool I was (or maybe she did and considers it endearing), was all HECK YEAH! I decided to tone down my request a little, if we were doing this for reals- I said no unicorns. Which I kind of regret, because I think Lillian could have pulled it off. She's amazing!

After sending some pictures and patiently waiting, I got a big package in the mail. The kids ripped it open like the rabid wild animals they are. And lo and behold- my very first commissioned piece of art!

The kids and I are beyond thrilled with our painting. We have it up on the fireplace, right next to the guinea cage. I hadn't realized how much our baby Rainbow had grown- she's in the middle. She looks so different! Pretty soon she'll be a big fat guinea sausage like her older sisters. 

Lillian paints everything- houses, people, animals, flowers, mermaids! I highly recommend you go check out her website or her Twitter or her Facebook- not only because she's talented and creative, but because she is just a funny, charming, sweet and delightful person. 

This is totally not a sponsored post. Lillian just rocks. 

Ligers: Do Not F*** With Them

Tweet This post has been stewing in my brain for a while. I tried to kill it, but it was too strong (duh- it's about ligers). The following blog post contains graphic language. Readers be advised.


The other night, in an effort to postpone bedtime, my oldest Spawn asked me what the largest cat in the world was. He meant housecat, but what popped up in my Google images was Hercules- the Liger.

Isn't he gorgeous? Soft, beautiful, majestic. Don't you just wanna go snuggle him?

And sit on him?

And take glamour shots with him?

Wtf is going on here?

Well, I have bad news. This is a public service announcement from Not Blessed Mama, and it feels kind of ridiculous that I even have to say it:

Do not fuck with ligers.

Please, please, someone tell me why these people are dragging a liger around like a goddamn golden retriever on a leash. I know that people train lions and tigers. Do I think it's a good idea? Um, no (related: see Sea World and killer whales). What I think is even LESS of a good idea is dragging around a monster, mammoth, freak of nature hybrid cat. These damn things can grow up to around a thousand pounds and ten feet long! 

Do you know what that liger is thinking? "I'm bored. I'm bored. I want to eat you. And you. I'm bored. I'll eat those children. I'm bored. Oh, milk. I'm bored. I'm gonna chomp on your head." And that's pretty much it. Please, please, you crazy lunatics: do not fuck with ligers. They're not a dog. If you want a dog, I will personally bring you a dog. Keep it away from your liger, because your liger will bite it in half and call it an appetizer. 

And now that I think about it, I feel like I maybe should just tell mankind in general: stop fucking around with massive wild animal predators that are bigger than you and like eating flesh. Again, not quite sure why I have to say this, but apparently it needs to be said. You're welcome. it's what I do. 

Not Blessed Mama's Unwanted and Unsolicited Product Review: Bio Sphere Living Ecosystem

Tweet It's not often that I stumble upon a product that makes me want to sing it's praises to high heaven. (Not since the glorious Suave Dry Shampoo post. And do you want to know what Suave said when I e-mailed them that I wrote a slightly wildly popular blog post about them? "Thanks! Sign up for our mailing list to receive special offers and information!" Bastards.) Anywho, recently we ordered something I am totally in love with. And of course, I had to share it with you, my dear mama friends.

You know that we love pets in the Not Blessed household. You've seen our guinea pigs and cyborg cat, and if you didn't, that's a shame because I am too lazy to go dig up the pictures. But animals are a lot of work- kind of like children. You feed them, you clean up their poop, and all they do is make a mess and look cute. And make lots of irritating noises.

Well, Not Blessed Mama is SO TIRED OF CLEANING UP POOP. There's poop everywhere. Guinea pig poop, fish poop, cat poop, and if I'm unlucky, human poop. So much poop. Definitely too much.

 Enter our new "pets":

It's the Bio Sphere Living Ecosystem from Hearthsong. Look! It's cute little tiny shrimps, living in a sealed container. No feeding- no pooping- no dying- just cute little shrimps swimming around! It's a little pricey at thirty dollars, but it sure as hell is worth it to have some animals in the house that won't stink up the place and rip holes in your sofa.

And these things are hardy. I accidentally left them outside overnight (or two nights) (or three) when I was trying to get them some indirect sunlight, and they survived. The only thing you have to do for these suckers is open the sphere once a month for the first 3 months to give them some air- and that's it! The directions said they live a long time too, like 4 years. I'm not sure exactly how long, since we spilled water on the directions and tossed them. I don't even really know what they eat, which kind of makes me a failure since this was bought with my homeschool funds. But forget all that! Do not buy your kid a cat- or a guinea pig- or a dog. Buy them some friendly little crustaceans and enjoy the easy life of a shrimp owner.

This is not a paid or sponsored post. Bio Sphere and Hearthsong do not know me- please do not tell them I am writing about them, or they'd probably send me a cease-and-desist letter.