March 15, 2012

The Saw. And, I'm Weird

It's no secret that I think I'm hilarious. I'm always cracking myself up. Being ridiculous is my gift in life, my talent. And I'm always telling my husband how lucky he is that he has such a funny wife.

Usually I'm telling Not Blessed Dad that I'm hilarious after I've done something particularly stupid. It's a little game I play- I like to see what kind of reaction I can get out of him when I'm being absurd. One of my faves used to be putting random food scraps in his toilet to see what they would puff up to be, and what he would say. I don't know what I was expecting- him to ask me if an alien came and took a dump at our house? Sadly, the only thing he ever said was, "Who put crumbs in my toilet?". DISAPPOINTING.

Last night I decided that I needed to finally finish putting the molding around our fireplace. At 9:30 at night- because, like I said, I'm ridiculous. After poking around in the garage and not finding anything sharp, I texted my husband.

Me: I need a saw.
Him: There's one by the side of the house. The kids put it there. By the gate close to the garbage can.
Me: I can't believe you didn't ask me what I needed it for. What's wrong with you???
Him: Well, why would I ask that. (20 minutes later, after I don't respond.) Well I'm going to sleep.

If someone asked you for a saw at 9:40 at night, wouldn't you ask them what the hell they were doing? What else could it be besides sawing up dead bodies? And keep in mind that Not Blessed Dad works out of town now and is gone all week. Leaving me alone to homeschool our 3 precious (?) children by myself. And I ask for a saw late at night, and he says he's going to bed. Sheesh. 

I obviously need to up my game. 


  1. Apparently that was just par for the course over there?

  2. My husband would ask. But only because he's all sensitive and feeling and INTERESTED and all that shit. Just gimme the damn saw.

  3. Heh. Disappointing indeed. Obviously, there's only one proper response to that. "There's one by the side of the house. Bury them deep or make it look like an accident." Duh.

  4. My question would have been, "What were the kids doing with the saw!"

  5. My GOD that's hysterical. I suddenly love your husband.


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