Top 5 Reasons I Refuse to Mop My Floor

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I'm pretty sure I could think up about a hundred reasons why I don't mop my floor. But, I really just don't have the time for that- I'm too busy not mopping my floor! So Not Blessed Mama would like to give you the top five reasons she does not mop the floor.
1. It'll just get dirty again in 5 seconds. And 5 seconds is a generous estimate. Our kitchen is fortunately adjacent to our backyard, so as soon as one of the Spawn walks in, it's over. Our backyard is a vast wasteland of dirt and trees, and our Spawn are some filthy little critters. Generally when a chore lasts longer than the desired result, it is a no-no in my book (i.e. minutes spent shaving legs > minutes spent having relations with hubby).
2. My knee pads are worn out. What is a mop other than a waste of time on a stick? I can think of many enjoyable things that come on sticks- corn dogs, egg rolls at the fair, lollipops. Wigs of string do not belong in that category. Mops do not work. You know you're just going to wind up hot and sweaty on the ground, on your knees- and not in a hawt, sexy way. In a dirty, stinky, exhausted way.
3. What if Brad Pitt knocks on my door? Or my neighbor, mom, AT&T repair-man- or anyone else for that matter. As outlined in #2,
you are going to be scrubbing the floor on your hands and knees, looking a hot mess. I don't really see any point in putting yourself in that un-ladylike position for a clean floor that will immediately be soiled and will destroy your appearance (and odor) in the process.
4. Cleaning products are bad, bad, bad. You may know that Not Blessed Mama loves the environment. Pine-Sol, Mr. Clean, Clorox- these names strike fear in Mother Nature's heart. So, just as you should skip shampoo and soap, skip using yucky cleaners on your kitchen floor and let it return to it's natural state. Dump a wheelbarrow or two full of soil on it and have the Spawn stomp like crazy to create a rustic, historically accurate hearth. The Earth will thank you for it.
5. The fridge and stove will be jealous. This is a hard, simple truth about cleaning- once you start cleaning, you start noticing how dirty everything is. Start scrubbing the floor, notice that the baseboards are grimy. Wipe the baseboards, notice the yogurt dried on the wall. Scrape off the yogurt, notice the top of the backsplash is dusty. Wipe the backsplash, notice behind the microwave is dirty. Wipe the back of the micro, notice the stove knobs are greasy. De-grease the stove knobs, and I will just stop there because I could really go on forever. Since Not Blessed Mama is all about equality, I am willing to sacrifice a clean floor if it means keeping the rest of the appliances happy. Equal opportunity, baby.