June 26, 2010


Are you married, my dear mama friends? Do you have a partner, or significant other? I do. It has almost been ten years that we've enjoyed our wedded bliss. But I'm really sorry to say, I don't think we'll make it to ten. I think that my wonderful, adoring husband is going to have a very terrible accident before then. I think it might happen on a sunny Saturday, maybe one just like today. I think that I may attempt to drag him to Ikea, where he agreed to go, and I imagine that he will be the hugest pain in the ass possible. I'm thinking he might even be worse than dragging all three Spawn along. I think I might even regret leaving the Spawn with Grandma, and wasting my babysitting time dragging my crabby husband around Ikea where he complains and gripes about everything. I'm guessing that even though I threaten him with domestic violence in the store, he still won't quit being a creep. I don't know, this is all purely theoretical, you know. I'm just thinking that finally out of desperation I may just grab my purse out of my full basket and attempt to leave him in the store. I wonder if on the way home he might recline his seat and complain about walking around the store with his sore back, and I wonder if steam might blow out of my ears at the murderous rage I'm feeling. I wonder if he might be so self-centered that he won't even notice the charming shade of purple that my face is turning. I wonder if he could even guess how I might start thinking that if I speed up and turn sharp enough, maybe I can get his side of the car to hit a tree, and eject him into outer space. Or Mexico. Mind you, I don't even know if any of this could ever happen. I'm just thinking that maybe, after drinking a Mike's Hard Pomegranate Lemonade, I might start hatching up a plan that involves rope, the wee hours of the morning, and the trunk of a car. I don't know, I'm just saying I'm wondering......


  1. Hmm, now I'm thinking I really *should* have returned from the in-laws' house for this possible emergency. Too hilarious!

  2. I'm thinking maybe this sounds familiar... just maybe. :) Maybe Costco comes to mind instead of Ikea...

  3. Costco is just as much a fresh hell as Ikea, for sure. ;)
    Yes, Kim, I really could have used some assistance that day! Esp since he was too heavy for me to lift myself! Hahaha.


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