It's all the rage these days. And let me tell you, Not Blessed Mama does love the Earth. But I've been going green for years- it all started with the birth of my adorable Spawn #1. Look at my metal water bottles- they're all dented and scratched. Look at my re-usable shopping bags- the logos have worn off and they're getting holey. We are leaving this beautiful planet to our children(spawn), how can we not do our best to keep it clean and amazing? So in honor of this gorgeous planet, N.B.M. has a special treat for you today. I am going to share some of my wonderful, earth saving tips- all of which are designed by and for the busy mama! Enjoy!
1. Quit bathing. Ok, ok, settle down. If you can't bear the thought of not bathing, which generally isn't accepted in polite society, simply cut down on bathing. How about a shower every other day? Or, as Not Blessed Mama does, a weekly shower? Think about the gallons and gallons of water you will be saving! Plus the energy from heating that water, and washing those towels. Think about the products you won't be using (shampoo, soap). And last, but definitely not least, think about the massive amount of time you will be saving YOURSELF! You could write a novel with all that time that you would have been shaving your legs. Oh, and you might as well quit bathing your children too- they don't even get BO anyway, so who cares.
2. Quit changing your clothes. Now this one is a good one- one of N.B.M.'s favorite things to do is wear the same clothes, day and night, until the stench becomes unbearable. Well, my partner would call it stench- I call it "Summer Fun Smell". Again, we're saving water and energy here, and time. Folding clothes sucks! How many hours does the average homemaker spend folding laundry in her lifetime? This isn't a scientific guess, but I'm going to have to say about 1,000,000. Screw folding laundry- sleep in your clothes! (This one is also exceptionally well suited for the mama of a newborn, who is utterly exhausted day and night- and also more socially accepted for her.)
3. Don't leave your house. Carbon footprint, emissions, greenhouse gases- we hear how awful these are for our planet all the time. Cars are nasty, stinky, awful (wonderful) things. Instead of schlepping your tired mama ass all over town, why not stay home? If you combine tips 1, 2 and 3, you will have a really excellent day. Make sure to waste a lot of time on the internet and let your kids watch a lot of cartoons so no one goes stir crazy. And don't worry about using that small amount of energy- your carbon footprint is shrinking as we speak from that shower you're not taking!
4. Go hide in a closet. Are you having a bad day, my mama friend? Getting depressed that you can't take a shower, go to Target, cook in a non-stick skillet or let your adorable Spawn play with their Thomas Trains without destroying the planet and ingesting toxic chemicals? Because let's face it, it's true- you can't take a breath these days without destroying something (either the planet, yourself or afore mentioned Spawn). So, the only remedy I see here is to go sit in a closet. Make sure the lights are off. Make sure you haven't cleaned the carpet with toxic chemicals. Make sure there is no non-organic cotton clothing in there. And just sit. Oh yeah, and put the chain on the door first- the Spawn running out in the street isn't going to help anyone.
And there you have it, my dear mama friend! Not Blessed Mama has you on your way to saving the planet, one easy step at a time. You're welcome!