August 28, 2010

Yo Quiero Taco Bell!

I know I have been writing a lot about Not Blessed Daddy lately- but let's be real, the guy is odd enough charmingly eccentric enough to warrant his own blog full of weirdness adorableness. 
The other day N.B.D. came home with his hands full and a big smile on his face. With caution and dread in my voice, I asked him "What are those and what are you going to do with them?" 

Oh, look at those beauties. No offense to anyone here, but Santa Fe Tex-Mex is not my style. Not that there's anything wrong with it- it's just not for me. I fully support the rights of any one living a Santa Fe style lifestyle, as I believe all decorating styles were created equal. I even voted for them. My best friend is a Tex-Mex styler! So is my hairdresser! 

Let me fill you in on the history of these beauties. Not Blessed Daddy is an electrician. He's a hard working guy with a lot of silly ideas. While he was re-modeling a Taco Bell, he saw these fine pieces of lighting that were about to be thrown away. Oh, the horror! What cruel and heartless bastard could throw away such treasures, such shining examples of fast food decor at it's best??? I know, it's hard to believe. So N.B.D. grabbed those suckers and brought them home for our living room. He actually had quite solid logic- we have a red couch, so here were some red lights. It all made perfect sense to him. It must be so wonderful to be a man. 

After my initial shock (and frenzied thoughts as to how I could make those atrocities any less atrocious), I started warming up to the idea. I am an eccentric gal after all- I love goofy things (hence my love for Not Blessed Daddy). How many people do you know that can say they have Taco Bell lighting in their living room? I am going to take a great leap of faith here and say you don't know a single one, except for me- the fabulously lucky Not Blessed Mama. 
So, that's the story of the Taco Bell Lights In My Living Room. It would make quite a good book some day, I'm sure. The greatest part of this whole thing, by far, has been having friends over and asking them what they think of my Taco Bell Lights- and when they ask where I got them, I get to answer with proud emphasis, "Taco Bell". 
P.S. "I wish I had grabbed the wall sconces."

August 24, 2010

Writing a Letter of Complaint.....

This post was inspired by Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock At A Time, one of my favorite blogs. I've had a rough couple of days. Some carefully worded letters are definitely in order.

Dear Husband, 
Maybe you hadn't noticed that I have been laying flat on my back for the past week? 'Member that? How I hurt my back and can barely walk? Hey, do you think that may have anything to do with the fact that the house is a disaster? Hmm... something to think about.
Love, Your Wife

Dear Spawn, 
Dumping beer in the pool is never appropriate. For an odd reason, I feel this goes without saying.
Love, Your Mother

Dear Grandmother, 
I like having my car overflowing with junk. If we are ever trapped in a ravine for a week, we will not only be well fed but also well entertained. And we will probably have several changes of clothes as well.
Love, Your Granddaughter

Dear Neighbors, 
No need to call the authorities. The Spawn were only screaming, "OH GOD, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD, OH MY GOD", because they thought the guinea pig was gone. Nothing to look at here. Close your blinds and go back to bed. 
Love, Your Neighbor

Dear Employer of my Husband, 
I would like to respectfully submit that you take the proposed idea of 20% pay cuts and kindly shove it up your asses, as my husband was grossly under-paid to begin with. 
Love, A Broke Wife

Writing letters is really therapeutic. Any you'd like to share?

Dear Automobiles,
You both really suck for breaking down in the same week.
No Love, The Driver

August 19, 2010

It's my Anniversary...

And birthday, actually. I chose to get married on my birthday- in all honesty I am not quite sure why, but my husband is a lucky man to be able to combine the two. It's been ten years that we've been married. Some days I love him dearly- some days I flip him off from behind closed doors. But the one good thing I have to say about our marriage is that it is still fresh- who knows why. We still laugh like we did when we first got together- we still tease, argue, flirt and enjoy each other's company (even when we feel like ripping each other's throats out). So, Not Blessed Daddy, in honor of the ten glorious-wonderful-beautiful-miserable-awful-terrible years we have been joined in holy matrimony, I would like to give you a gift- a special present. A peek inside Not Blessed Mama's mind- here is the:

Not Blessed Mama Translator
  • "I'm trying to put the baby to sleep- could you please turn the tv down?" Are you totally deaf? Turn the damn tv down! This baby hasn't slept at all today and do you not see what a mess I am? Dammit!
  • "What would you like for dinner tonight?" Better pour yourself a bowl of cereal, buddy. If I haven't figured dinner out by now, it ain't happening. 
  • "Do you think this dress looks okay? It's new." Why do I bother trying to look nice for you? I'm going to start wearing garbage bags and see if you notice.
  • "Do you mind if I go out with the Mom's Group tonight?" I've barely had any adult conversation in a week and it's starting to get to me. If I don't have one hour with adults and without children grabbing my boobs, yelling at me for toast or crying about how much they hate their siblings, something very bad is going to happen.
  • "Can you take the garbage out for me?" I know your Mama didn't raise you to be a slob- get off your ass and give a hand. Pronto!
  • "What do you want to do while the kids are with my Mom?" I am not spending date night watching Ultimate Fighting, so you had best put some clean clothes on so we can go out now.
  • "I don't know where the remote control is, but it must be here somewhere." Okay, we probably have 5,000 things in this house. I know that I am Super Mom, but I can't keep track of every single piece of crap we own!
  • "Actually I didn't move your *whatever*, it must have been the kids." I know we spend a lot of time together and they are always on me, but the kids and I really are separate entities and I do not control them by mind-melding.
  • "I have a headache." Seriously, I have a headache.
Happy Anniversary, Not Blessed Daddy. Love you.

    August 17, 2010

    Facebook, Twitter- But Not Myspace, 'Cause That's For Booty Calls

    Back in my day, teenagers had a pager. Do kids these days even know what a pager is? Maybe our parents had a cell phone, maybe not. Nowadays, kids have computers, cell phones, Nintendo DS's with Wi-Fi, PSP's, the list goes on and on. It's insane. When I left high school, I started my first e-mail account (which I have to this day!). Now my 9 year old has a Facebook and an e-mail account and visits his favorite bloggers regularly. Crazy, I tell you! 
    So Not Blessed Mama is doing her best to ride the technology wave. I had a Myspace a few years back, but it slowly faded away as Facebook became popular. Then I discovered the world of blogging- and now, I am reluctantly finally starting a Twitter account. All the cool bloggers do it, so I figured I had better too. Gotta be hip, you know. Good Lord, I am so old....

    (and if I am doing that wrong, just search Facebook for me!)

    And here is your reward for being such a loyal reader-
    a super cute picture of a 2 week old baby dolphin.
    Why? Because it's so damn cute!

    If you have a Twitter, Facebook, Blog, doctor's report or parking ticket, post it in the comments- I'd love to check them out. ;)

    August 14, 2010

    A long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away...

    You didn't have kids- neither did I. I know, I know- it's hard to believe. But think back real far, my dear Mama friends.... there was a time when you didn't have to wipe anyone's poopy butt and you ate your meals sitting at a table, with utensils, at your leisure. Yes, it sounds like crazy talk, but I know this to be true! When I try to think back on those days, I wonder "What in the hell did you do with all that free time?" I worked, of course, but what about all those other hours in the day? It really boggles the mind. But I kind of, almost, vaguely remember that I used to have... hobbies.  I think I used to do things I enjoyed, for pleasure. It seems surreal to think of afternoons spent curled up in a blanket with a good book, the window cracked to listen to the soft rainfall. What about watching movies that aren't animated? 'Member that? Sewing, spur of the moment road trips, casually enjoying a meal in a new restaurant- all those wonderful activities that children generally don't enjoy or just aren't very conducive to. Recently I have decided to try and revive some of these lost arts, these hobbies. It's hard to get much done with kids around, we all know that. I love to scrapbook, but dragging all that crap out and having it spread all over the table just isn't gonna work with the Spawn around. So I decided to start doing some henna tattoos, or mehndi. It's a simple, beautiful art form that involves painting the hands or feet with a henna paste to create a temporary stain. It originated in India or the Middle East and was historically used as a part of Hindu wedding tradition. In the late 1990's it became popular in the US, and readily available. I started doing henna tattoo's as a teen and it was something I really enjoyed- I used many friends as canvases. Recently my sister bought me some henna and I dove back in. It was a soothing and nostalgic experience, but I was so rusty! I was a little disappointed my skills weren't what they were ten years ago- I was only mildly pleased with the result. But I got a big ego boost when an Indian woman in a restaurant stopped me to see my hands (and Spawn#2's), and complimented the beautiful job I did. Thank you, random kind lady! I strongly recommend you take a break from playdates and watching  Spongebob and do something that YOU enjoy- it is definitely worth it!
    My first attempt at mehndi in many years, with the paste still applied.
    The finished result.

    August 13, 2010

    I Won, I Won!

    Remember not too long ago when I was begging you with tears streaming down my face asking you to vote for me in Hip Mountain Mama's Going Green anniversary contest? I won second place! I'm so grateful to all of my loyal friends, family and readers who were kind enough to vote for me. And I promise, I am not going to forget the little people when I am rich and famous and write my blog in the cabana by the pool, sipping a daquiri as I watch the nanny swim with the kids. 
    We just received our order and we are SO pleased with everything we chose. I wanted to try out the Snack Taxi's, which are lined fabric bags with velcro closures that are perfect for lunch or snack time. There are a ton of fun different prints, so I ordered one for each of the kids (and the awesome retro mushroom print for myself).  The Spawn were immediately enamored of them, and Spawn#2's cute flowered print is missing from the pic 'cause she took off with it.

    They have a special going on right now- when you order 4 Snack Taxi's, you get a free organic cotton lunch bag- and they sent it to me! Suzy at HMM is so generous- can you believe she sent me the free bonus when I was using the gift certificate I won from them? She rocks!

    Another item we ordered that I had never heard of before was Baby Legs- a sort of one-size-fits-all leg warmer, arm warmer hybrid. They. Are. ADORABLE. Spawn#2 would not take them off and slept in them- she even said they made her cartwheels better!

    As you can see, Spawn#3 was in love with them as well- I'll be ordering him a pair too.

    If you are at all interested in natural, organic or Waldorf products for your children and your home, please check out Hip Mountain Mama's store! It is a small business that I definitely feel good supporting. 

    August 8, 2010

    Honey-Do List

    Not Blessed Daddy did a lot of work around the house and yard this weekend. Most of it was by choice- a bunch of random odd jobs. He was obviously very proud of himself, as he brought up several times all that he accomplished. I complimented him once, but quickly grew tired of the game- I imagine that on average, I probably do about 10,000 things every day. So no big deal. The last time Not Blessed Daddy was reclining on the couch patting himself on the back, I made him this-
    But for some reason, he didn't like it. Wonder why?

    August 4, 2010

    Motherhood- It Changes You....

    Being a mother does a lot of funny things to you- sometimes even things you can't understand. For example, the Spawn found this on Youtube-

    And I cannot stop singing it. I love this song! Why? I don't know. I couldn't tell you. Maybe because I am a sleep deprived crazy woman. But I dare you to watch it and not become addicted. The Spawn and I had a crazy dance party in the living room while we blasted it. That guy has some other good tunes- "This is my Ringtone" and "Nom Nom Nom Nom" and "Last Train to AwesomeTown" are highly recommended.

    August 2, 2010

    OTT: Put Your Dog On A Leash!

    Today's off-topic tantrum (OTT) is about me almost running over a dog with my car.
    The Spawn had gone shopping with Grandma and Aunt so I was having some glorious time to myself. I decided shopping was definitely in order, and one of my favorite past times is thrifting. As I was happily driving along I noticed a man walking with a dog on the right side of the street, and a dog running by itself on the left side of the street. I was nervous, and rightly so- the lone dog darted out in the street in front of me, chasing after it's owner. I screeched to a halt and held my breath- I waited for the thud. I didn't know if it would come from behind or in front of me- and I was hoping for neither. I got so close to the dog, I couldn't see it as it went past me. And since I heard no thud, I assumed it made it- although I checked my mirrors to be sure. There it was, trotting happily next to that man. There was a van stopped behind me, and I desperately wanted to get out and assure him that I was not some crazy nutcase sitting in the middle of the road- didn't he see that dog run right in front of me? But I slowly drove off with a yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach. Demolishing that dog would have really put a dent in my afternoon, and probably not made the dog too happy either. Dogs off leashes are a common occurrence around here- in my neighborhood, at the park. The problem with that is that 1. it's dangerous (for the animal and for people- like my children) and 2. it's illegal here! I just don't understand. Let your dog run in your back yard- take it to the dog park- or just put a leash on it. It's not that complicated! I don't want to kill your dog. And, this is just a guess, but I assume that your dog does not want to be killed by me either. So, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for putting your damn dog on a leash.
    End rant. Thank you.
    It's called a leash- go buy one!

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