Not Blessed Mama Translator
- "I'm trying to put the baby to sleep- could you please turn the tv down?" Are you totally deaf? Turn the damn tv down! This baby hasn't slept at all today and do you not see what a mess I am? Dammit!
- "What would you like for dinner tonight?" Better pour yourself a bowl of cereal, buddy. If I haven't figured dinner out by now, it ain't happening.
- "Do you think this dress looks okay? It's new." Why do I bother trying to look nice for you? I'm going to start wearing garbage bags and see if you notice.
- "Do you mind if I go out with the Mom's Group tonight?" I've barely had any adult conversation in a week and it's starting to get to me. If I don't have one hour with adults and without children grabbing my boobs, yelling at me for toast or crying about how much they hate their siblings, something very bad is going to happen.
- "Can you take the garbage out for me?" I know your Mama didn't raise you to be a slob- get off your ass and give a hand. Pronto!
- "What do you want to do while the kids are with my Mom?" I am not spending date night watching Ultimate Fighting, so you had best put some clean clothes on so we can go out now.
- "I don't know where the remote control is, but it must be here somewhere." Okay, we probably have 5,000 things in this house. I know that I am Super Mom, but I can't keep track of every single piece of crap we own!
- "Actually I didn't move your *whatever*, it must have been the kids." I know we spend a lot of time together and they are always on me, but the kids and I really are separate entities and I do not control them by mind-melding.
- "I have a headache." Seriously, I have a headache.