January 26, 2012

Not Blessed Mama's Unwanted and Unsolicited Product Review: Moon Dough

I hated Moon Dough before I even bought it.

I hated Moon Dough when I bought it.

I hated Moon Dough as I opened the package and gave it to my kids.

And then, I started to not hate Moon Dough. I actually started to like it.

Everyone despises Play-Doh for reasons known. I myself reviewed what a shitty product Aqua Sand was. Moon Sand was another horrid idea that I should have reviewed, and I figured Moon Dough was going to follow in their footsteps. I reluctantly bought it because it was one of four items on Spawn#3's Christmas list. How could I say no?

We got Moon Dough out and started making the popcorn. Amazingly enough, it was actually forming little popcorn nuggets that popped out of the maker. I assumed they'd fall apart when you touched them, like Moon Sand, but they held their shape. I still knew clean up would be a whore though- it's why everyone hates this stuff.


I'm not going to show you a picture of what the kids did to the carpet in their room, but I will tell you it was u-g-l-y. It was bad. But I'd rather savor my 30 minutes of quiet, kid-busy time then harass them about Moon Dough. I accepted my fate and got ready to scrape Moon Dough out of the carpet fibers- and the damn stuff doesn't stick. It wiped right up. And here's the other thing- it doesn't dry out. IT DOESN'T DRY OUT AND IT DOESN'T STICK TO THE CARPET. Play-Doh, Moon Dough is kicking your ass. Big time.

It's true, it's true. I love Moon Dough. You can't be as detailed with it as Play-Doh, but did you read that I said it doesn't stick to the carpet? I just vacuumed the dust right up. I still can't get over it. If you think  Moon Dough not sticking to the carpet is nothing to be excited over, you are on the wrong blog and you need to quit judging me.

As always, this is not a paid advertisement or product review, because no one will give me anything. Whatever, companies. Whatever. 

January 20, 2012

Not Blessed Mama Cooks, Sometimes: Jamba Juice Copycat Recipe

This is Spawn#3. He doesn't eat anything.

Waffles have to be toasted exactly the right way. Pizza can't have cheese on it, unless it's from 2 specific places. The list goes on and on. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that he would never drink my yummy fruit smoothies. 

BUT, he would drink Jamba Juice. Citrus Squeeze, to be specific. I searched out the ingredients and read a bunch of copycat recipes, and this is what I came up with. Turns out the secret was orange sherbet. 

Jamba Juice Citrus Squeeze: no banana, substitute strawberry
- 1 cup orange juice (I usually add a splash more than a cup)
- 1/2 cup pineapple juice
- 1 (scant) cup ice
-1 (heaping) cup frozen strawberries (toss a banana in there if you are so inclined- we all hate banana)
-1 (scant) cup orange sherbet

Blend away, and enjoy! It kind of depresses me to add the orange sherbet, but there's no way Spawn#3 would ever touch a strawberry, so C'est la vie. 

Will your smoothie look like a glowing cup of molten lava?
Only if you take a pic of it at night with the flash on.

January 6, 2012

The Weirdos Who Read My Blog

Not you guys. You guys are great! I'm talking about the random keyword searches that wind up on my blog. Sometimes there's some crazy stuff in there. Let's take a look, shall we? It's been a while.

As always, one of my biggest searches is for my review of the infinitely charming Go The Fuck To Sleep Book. And, the search is usually go the f to sleep, with many variations. Pretty sad that one of my most popular posts is simply me talking about how much I love someone else's great idea, but I'll take it.

It was nice to see lots of searches for my Christmas posts. Walmart Christmas Village, atheist christmas tree, atheists ruin hanukkah, atheists ruining christmas, cute nativity scene, what to tell children about christmas atheist. I'm actually super proud of my antique Victorian Walmart Christmas Village. It's so whoreanus, it's beautiful.

It seems that I have actually done something useful for once! I wrote about how I loved the Biosphere Living Ecosystem, and got lots of shrimp sphere related searches. And I do love it- how could you not love animals that don't die??

And finally, my favorite searches- the random ass crazy shit. Genie pig, mama on hidden, jack sparrow smile, porno foto mamasai, poor people living in landfill, how much to rely on the net, био сфера, cat drawings for kids, and bras for large breasted women nooo. I've gotta say that one of the best parts of blogging is seeing all this wacky stuff. But I love my readers- crazy and all!  
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