December 2, 2011

Ligers: Do Not F*** With Them

This post has been stewing in my brain for a while. I tried to kill it, but it was too strong (duh- it's about ligers). The following blog post contains graphic language. Readers be advised.

The other night, in an effort to postpone bedtime, my oldest Spawn asked me what the largest cat in the world was. He meant housecat, but what popped up in my Google images was Hercules- the Liger.

Isn't he gorgeous? Soft, beautiful, majestic. Don't you just wanna go snuggle him?

And sit on him?

And take glamour shots with him?
Wtf is going on here?

Well, I have bad news. This is a public service announcement from Not Blessed Mama, and it feels kind of ridiculous that I even have to say it:
Do not fuck with ligers.

Please, please, someone tell me why these people are dragging a liger around like a goddamn golden retriever on a leash. I know that people train lions and tigers. Do I think it's a good idea? Um, no (related: see Sea World and killer whales). What I think is even LESS of a good idea is dragging around a monster, mammoth, freak of nature hybrid cat. These damn things can grow up to around a thousand pounds and ten feet long! 

Do you know what that liger is thinking? "I'm bored. I'm bored. I want to eat you. And you. I'm bored. I'll eat those children. I'm bored. Oh, milk. I'm bored. I'm gonna chomp on your head." And that's pretty much it. Please, please, you crazy lunatics: do not fuck with ligers. They're not a dog. If you want a dog, I will personally bring you a dog. Keep it away from your liger, because your liger will bite it in half and call it an appetizer. 

And now that I think about it, I feel like I maybe should just tell mankind in general: stop fucking around with massive wild animal predators that are bigger than you and like eating flesh. Again, not quite sure why I have to say this, but apparently it needs to be said. You're welcome. it's what I do. 


  1. LOL too funny. That beast is enormous! (thats what she said, badabing!)

  2. Dude. I thought Ligers only existed in Napoleon Dynamite's head. No really. I didn't know they were real.

    This post has changed my life.


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