Say What?

Tweet I love looking at the keywords that land people on my blog. I'm tellin' you, there is some crazy sh*t out there (and if you don't appreciate foul language, you are probably reading the wrong blog. And also, really don't read this post).

This post that I wrote about the infamous Go The F To Sleep book is my pride and joy- it got me over a thousand hits. Sadly, it wasn't for my literary genius- it was just because I had the good fortune to write about someone else's literary genius. Keyword searches for this post included:
go the f to sleep, go the fuck to sleep, go the f to sleep review, inside go the f to sleep, book shut up and go to sleep, go eff to sleep, sleep fuck (wrong blog, dude), go the fuck to sleep and too far, and a million other spellings of the f word. People really liked that book.

I had another post that was a review of that shite product Aqua Sand, and quite a few people found me that way too. Searches included:
aqua sand stain, aqua sand inventor, aqua sand toy review, can I return aqua sand, does aqua sand stain, and what is aqua sand. Ladies, do not waste your time on the A.S., trust me.

A post that got some amusing searches was my hate filled rant about when my kids and I got flipped off at Wal-mart. I can only imagine who was typing this stuff:
what do you do when you get flipped off, what happens if you flip someone at wal-mart off, should you be scared if you get flipped off, she flipped me off with my kids in the car, people flipping you off in front of your children, pictures of a woman flipping off her lover, kids flipping me off, kids flipping the bird, and how to get kids to stop flipping off. These searches have pretty much destroyed any hope I have for humanity.

And when I wrote about going incognito on Google Chrome, I had no idea what a public service I was providing. Going incognito pOrn, going incognito people standing behind you, does google incognito allow porn pop ups, and free porn sites for incognito (sorry friend, can't help you there).

But I have to say that the random, crazy searches are my favorite. Peeing at wet tshirt contest, famous saying not the ma ma, im like a gee, kingdom mama haters, mama kis the dat, owch moments in life, and saw guy wearing diaper in walmart are just a stellar example.

Seriously, people on the internets: WHAT THE HELL.

The Day My Kids Got Flipped Off At Wal-Mart

Tweet Let me first say- I am trying to let this go.
I am trying to open my heart and let this incident fly away like a cute little bluebird, leaving feelings of forgiveness and love behind.
It's not working. 
Instead, this is sitting on my brain like a big, fat, bald vulture, picking and picking and PICKING away.
The other day we went to Wal-Mart. As the kids and I were walking through the parking lot, a large truck backed out near us. I didn't even really think about it- the kids and I were walking as out of the way of the road as we could, and we kept walking. We were almost to the entrance when I heard someone shout something about kids- and I still didn't get it. But after a few more steps, I turned around- and this old woman driving a big ol' Chevy was flipping us off. I turned back around and kept walking. I couldn't believe my eyes. I just had to turn around again- and there she was, flipping us off some more. Can you believe it! She was flipping off a woman and her 3 young children because we happened to be walking down the road while she was backing out. We didn't even walk behind her car! We were on the opposite side of the road- but because her truck was so big, she had to stop for a second while we passed.
I'll admit it- I reacted. After my brain finally processed what was happening, I yelled something like- "How could you? There are children here! You're disgusting!" Then I jumped on the hood of her car, growling at her as I bared my teeth. She cowered in fear, but it was too late. I punched my fist through the windshield and dragged her worthless waste of a body out of the car. Then I tossed it across the parking lot like a rag doll, and ripped her truck apart with my bare hands.
Okay, I didn't. But I did yell that she was disgusting, and I just can't let it go. Why do people have to be so horrible? What happened to common decency? Who the hell flips off little kids????
And also, anyone happen to catch her license plate?