December 11, 2012

It's Not you, It's Me- But For Reals This Time

Almost two years ago, I had my heart broken.

I hate to talk about it. It killed me. I was like Bella in Twilight when Edward left her and she was all ridiculously mopey every day, but at least I had the decency to hold it all inside. A friend I really loved, someone I had been friends with for many years, dumped me. She decided I wasn't right for her- and it broke me. It shattered my heart into a million pieces. I couldn't believe the pain- and it lingered, that bastard. It was months and months before I could think about her and not get tears in my eyes and that aching hole back in my chest.

And I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't want to seem weak and ridiculous. I didn't want my other friends to think they weren't important to me. I didn't want to feel the pain all of the time. I just tried to lock it away, and hide it, and deal with it. Which meant crying at night and feeling utterly alone and broken, but, you know. It was what I could do.

Why am I telling you all this now, you may be wondering? My friend encouraged me to start blogging. She even came up with the name of this blog for me. And slowly, I just couldn't deal with my little blog anymore. My dear, sweet little blog that I always loved. That I nurtured and grew and was mine, I just wasn't interested anymore. I limped along for as long as I could, posting infrequently and giving a half-hearted effort. And then about 5 months ago, I just quit. And guess what?

I MISSED YOU!

I missed you so bad. I wanted to come back and write for you and chat with you and make you smile. I wanted to come back to my little piece of the internet- my corner, where I could do and say what I wanted and it was special because it was you and me. In this small, silly space. And it was hard, but I'm back. Because I love you. Did you know that? I really do. Every comment, every click- I cherish them.

And I'd like to thank my bloggy friends for supporting me, and for never giving up on me... My MamihoodDeBie HiveGrass OilIt's A Dome LifeWorld's Worst Moms, Renegade Mothering, One Chunky Mama, and all of the other lovely people that I adore who now hate me for forgetting them.



21 comments:

  1. I just went through a sad and painful and awful friend breakup over the summer, so I understand very much why you needed to step away. But I'm glad to hear the relationship between your blog and its readers became its own relationship outside of the friendship, even if that took a little time.

    Healing and growth? Girl, you rock. Welcome back :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hate you? Never! I hope you start blogging regularly again. It gets lonely out here...I need people who get me. It's a dog eat dog blog world we're living in.

    Break ups are hard. It's good you took a break. You needed time to heal and come out stronger and shinier. Now you are ready to TAKE YOUR BLOG BACK! I'm here to cheer you on as you do it. Now you have room in your heart for new friends...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh. Were you gone? Glad you are back.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am SO glad you're back. And I'm so sad you didn't feel like you could dump on us and be sad on us. Please don't do that again. You can be all mopey whenever you want. Look at me. I'm depressing and mopey all the time. And you're still around.;) xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, WWM. I'd love to be mopey with you, anytime.

      Delete
  5. Yeah, you're blogging again!!! BTW ~ You can talk to me about anything, I understand heartbreak. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Come over! I miss chatting with you. And thank you. <3

      Delete
  6. That is funny because the friend that helped me come up with my blog name dumped me too!!! We weren't friends very long, but still. It hurt. I am glad you are back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love your name- and I'm sorry. Those whores!

      Delete
  7. I'm sooo excited you're back!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you- it felt good to be here. :)

      Delete
  8. Aw, sweets! Glad you found it in you to write. I feel the same. Between a major friend break up and my marriage break up, I just can't seem to write the way I want - the things I want - and then weeks go by with no writing at all. But we love you - no matter how little or much you write. And I'm happy to have had the chance to read this today. Let's have lunch together soon - or do a kids/mom day or SOMETHING. We live much too close to be so far apart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's ridiculous we don't hang out. Let's do it!

      Delete
  9. Well, a friend dumping me at this time last year was part of the impetus for CREATING my blog - to work through some of that grief. So, I can understand your pain. All too well.... I'm sorry, dear, but glad you are finding some healing and hope that you remember that you have more friends to surround you. We can't replace your friend - believe me I understand that - but we can make the journey a little easier until you find someone like that again... It'll be all good. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for always being such a sweetheart. <3

      Delete
  10. Hi, just found your blog thru Renegade Mothering. I can totally relate. My best friend since high school, the I will love you forever no matter what friend, the friend I could be imperfect with, who just "clicked"... slowly withdrew herself from my life and then moved to Turkey without telling me. It was years ago but I still have bad dreams and cry about it. Relationships like that are not easy to let go...

    ReplyDelete

If you're happy and you know it, leave a comment.

Related Posts with Thumbnails