April 19, 2011

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

My dear readers, I need to ask you for a favor. 

I need you to join me in a party- a white trash lawn party.

You see, I just got an e-mail from my landlady stating that we were in violation of a neighborhood nuisance code for having "Outdoor storage and accumulation of miscellaneous junk, trash, rubbish, and debris discarded on the premises creating a public nuisance to the neighborhood". She lives in a different city, so that means one of our neighbors reported us and it got sent to her. 
Here's a picture of my house this morning:

Last week there were a few items by our garbage cans. On the side of the house, almost out of sight. So if the neighbors think that was a public nuisance, I am sure as hell ready to show them what a public nuisance really is. It's time for a white trash lawn party! Have any broken down cars we can park on the lawn? Bring your ice chests full of Blue Ribbon. Make sure to wear white t-shirts so I can spray you down with the hose in the First Annual Not Blessed Mama Wet T-Shirt Contest. Prizes include pissing off my uptight neighbors!
Actually, I should probably apologize to the "old hag" (the kids chose that nickname for her- but I must admit it fits). I'm sure it's very hard on her having someone live next door to her who is not an upper middle class snotty white couple like every one else in this damn neighborhood. Guess what, Old Hag. I am going to play outside with my kids. There are going to be bikes and screaming and popsicle sticks. It's just the way things are going to be, so get your head out of your ass and have a great day. 


  1. Sign me up! ;0)

    Maybe we should have had the kids shoot more nerf darts over her fence! heheehehe

    Dear Old Hag,

    Please redirect the rest of your issues to Jenny in our complaint dept. 867-5309.


  2. That's feckin' stupid. Some people really have nothing better to do with their time.
    I vote for the broken down car on the lawn!

  3. We will totally do this this summer, party in the front yard! Naked babies in the kiddie pool, drinks, think we can convince Hubby to actually sport the banana hammock, lol?! Oh and we have to have hairband music on the speakers!

  4. And I say you should teach the kids to pee outside.

  5. Shit, I forgot about having the guys wear wife-beaters. Also, I will bring along my toilet that I have planted flowers in. Got a dead cat you can throw near Hag's fence?

  6. Some people are jerks. Have fun with your kids and play outside and soak up that sun!

  7. Heehee. We had a situation like this last summer. I'll bring the pile of rusty mufflers over lol. That lady has nothing better to do with her time. And I think your yard looks great.


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