Tweet When you become pregnant, you will get a boat load of unwanted advice. It's usually either common sense stuff, or bat-shit crazy stuff (like someone cautioning me against cats stealing babies' breath). Well, Not Blessed Mama is here to tell you ten wonderful things about being a mother that no one else will. Because I'm cool like that.
1. Your child's leftovers will someday be irresistible. You will be eating other being's chewed up food and table scraps and calling it dinner.
2. Say good-bye to your bosoms. Just say goodbye. It will be worth it, but.... just say goodbye.
3. Scrubbing poop out of carpet really sucks. Really. Also? Picking it up while.it.is.still.warm..... is really, really nasty.
4. Like going to the bathroom with the door closed? Better get over it.
5. The feeling of warm spit-up/vomit in your hair is gloriously indescribable. The feeling of cold, hard dried up spit up that's been in your hair for 3 days because you didn't have 15 free minutes to take shower? Even better.
6. Might as well change your favorite foods from chicken alfredo and anything-that-requires-more-than-one-pot to mac n' cheese and anything-that-requires-only-one-pot.
7. Someday your kids are going to drive you so crazy, you are going to feel like chucking them out the nearest window. You will feel no remorse at the thought. But don't worry about it- it's like "look but don't touch."
8. You know those magazine photos of women gently cradling their pregnant bellies in their arms, looking serene? Real preggo bellies don't look like that. Hello, stretch marks.
9. Fart jokes will be the commonly accepted form of humor in your house at some point.
10. There is no harder job in the universe than being a mother- and none that are more worth it either.
Aww, yes, I had to end it on a positive note because Hallmark is sponsoring this post! Just kidding, they're not. I wish they were though- what's a girl gotta do to get some damn endorsements around here? Hellooooo, Mike's Hard Lemonade (especially Black Cherry)???