Say What?

Tweet I love looking at the keywords that land people on my blog. I'm tellin' you, there is some crazy sh*t out there (and if you don't appreciate foul language, you are probably reading the wrong blog. And also, really don't read this post).

This post that I wrote about the infamous Go The F To Sleep book is my pride and joy- it got me over a thousand hits. Sadly, it wasn't for my literary genius- it was just because I had the good fortune to write about someone else's literary genius. Keyword searches for this post included:
go the f to sleep, go the fuck to sleep, go the f to sleep review, inside go the f to sleep, book shut up and go to sleep, go eff to sleep, sleep fuck (wrong blog, dude), go the fuck to sleep and too far, and a million other spellings of the f word. People really liked that book.

I had another post that was a review of that shite product Aqua Sand, and quite a few people found me that way too. Searches included:
aqua sand stain, aqua sand inventor, aqua sand toy review, can I return aqua sand, does aqua sand stain, and what is aqua sand. Ladies, do not waste your time on the A.S., trust me.

A post that got some amusing searches was my hate filled rant about when my kids and I got flipped off at Wal-mart. I can only imagine who was typing this stuff:
what do you do when you get flipped off, what happens if you flip someone at wal-mart off, should you be scared if you get flipped off, she flipped me off with my kids in the car, people flipping you off in front of your children, pictures of a woman flipping off her lover, kids flipping me off, kids flipping the bird, and how to get kids to stop flipping off. These searches have pretty much destroyed any hope I have for humanity.

And when I wrote about going incognito on Google Chrome, I had no idea what a public service I was providing. Going incognito pOrn, going incognito people standing behind you, does google incognito allow porn pop ups, and free porn sites for incognito (sorry friend, can't help you there).

But I have to say that the random, crazy searches are my favorite. Peeing at wet tshirt contest, famous saying not the ma ma, im like a gee, kingdom mama haters, mama kis the dat, owch moments in life, and saw guy wearing diaper in walmart are just a stellar example.

Seriously, people on the internets: WHAT THE HELL.

I'd Like To Thank The Academy.

Tweet The charming, witty, insane, goofy, vulgar, beautiful, lovely Sarcasm Goddess was kind enough to bestow upon me an award. An award that came with great honor and responsibility- The Versatile Blogger. 

Well, it's not the cutest award ever. It would be better if it was pink puffy clouds and baby unicorns and rainbows and called "The Pink Puffy Cloud and Baby Unicorn and Rainbow Blogger"- but since I've been pretty MIA in the blogging world lately, I'll take what I can get- with gratitude. 

So the rules are pretty simple for this award- I share 7 things that you didn't know about me, and I pass on the love. I've been wanting to share with you who I've been reading, so I thought this was the perfect opportunity. 

About me:

1. I'm scared of the garbage disposal. It wants to eat me. 

2. I have just gotten cable (after a lengthy hiatus) and I want to make sweet, sweet love to my DVR. Like, really. 

3. I have had three last names in my life. A checkered past? Maybe. 

4. Right now, the thing I want most in life is a big ol' tricked out mini-van. 

5. I'm also scared of frying food, but I do it sometimes. My little sister lit my parent's kitchen on fire once, and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. 

6. My husband is 11 years older than me, and I take great joy in pointing out his white hair. 

7. I am totally addicted to playing Words With Friends (if you play, look me up- NotBlessedMama). 

Now onto the fun part!

I love reading blogs. I don't always comment (since I'm usually on my phone), but I'm reading all the time. I pass this prestigious award onto 15 of my favorite bloggers- 

1. The Blogess

2. Razing Mayhem

3. Kidlit's Korner

4. Adventures In Estrogen

5. Sunshine SAHM 

6. Do Sweat The Small Stuff 

7. My Mamihood

8. Airing My Dirty Laundry

9. In A Galaxy Far Far Away

10. Best Of Fates

11. Las Vegas Mama

12. One Brownie

13. Partly Sunny, Chance Of Rain

14. Random Ro

15.  Working Woman's Guide to Dinner or If I Cook Chicken A La King One More Time I'll Kill Myself

Whew! this is just a sampling of some of my favorite ladies- if I've forgotten you (or *gasp* I don't follow you!)- speak up! Who are you reading? 

Things Remembered

Tweet When my precious little Spawn are grown and gone, I hope they remember...

*How I snuggled them to sleep every night. 


*How I swam and splashed with them every summer.


*How I chauffeured them to Lego Club, dance lessons, park day, ceramics class and more. 


*How I cut the crusts off of 5 million pieces of toast.


*How much I loved them.


But I really know that my little Spawn are going to be telling their therapists...

*That one time I made everyone cry when I yelled at them to go to bed.


*That when we swam, I wouldn't let anyone splash me because I needed to see out of my glasses.


*That our car looked like a mobile episode of Hoarders.


*That I secretly would have rather stabbed myself in the eye than de-crust one more piece of bread.


*That even when I felt like beating them, I always loved them.

{this moment}

Tweet Inspired by Soule Mama, a moment you want to remember and savor and use to embarrass your kids when they're older. Or something like that. 

Brainstorming for Halloween.

Ladies, Do You Ever Get That Not-So-Fresh Feeling?

Tweet Well, I wouldn't know anything about that. You might want to get checked out by a doctor. I just said that to get rid of the menfolk- because I am talking about something feminine today. You know, feminine products.

I have been eyeing these Glad Rags on Hip Mountain Mama for a while now. For those of you who don't know, Glad Rags are reusable cloth menstrual pads, and they come in a variety of styles and colors. I decided I wanted to try them because I hate pads. Really, I hate my period. That may be wrong, since it gave me the ability to bear 3 beautiful children- but I still hate it. I hate cramps. I hate uncomfortable, itchy pads whose adhesive wings get stuck to your thigh. I just hate it all! I want to be pregnant the rest of my life so I don't have any more periods. Since that's not practical, I figured the least I could do would be to get rid of those icky plastic things.

Glad Rags are shaped just like a regular pad, and they're made of multiple thicknesses of soft cotton (and the night pad has a layer of terry for extra absorbancy). They wrap around your undies with wings that secure with a snap. I tried out the night pad, which offers more coverage. It was very comfortable and soft, and I didn't feel weird wearing it at all. There are some additional inserts included which sit behind the wings, and you can use as many as you need.
If you have ever thought about trying a more natural approach for your cycle needs, I highly suggest you try Glad Rags. Not only are they more comfortable, but you'll also be eliminating waste from landfills and keeping gross chemicals away from your delicate lady bits. Glad Rags wash easily by machine, and can even go in with your regular laundry. It washed up great and looked new again (I got the dark purple color). They definitely get Not Blessed Mama's seal of approval.

I did not receive this product for free. All opinion are my own, as always. I am doing this review as part of the Hip Mountain Mama Sisterhood, a group of ladies dedicated to living a better life and supporting a natural and sustainable lifestyle. And all that jazz.


I am also over on one of my favorite blogs today, World's Worst Moms. Go check out my shameful story, and submit one of your own! You'll love it over there. 

I Have Decided I Must Write A Book

Tweet It has come to my attention that I am really failing miserably as  blogger. I don't network, I don't do memes. I can't even pronounce meme. I haven't paid anyone to do my blog design and I don't go to conferences. I don't have a button you can grab! I'm a complete and utter failure. I'm sorry. Don't look at me! I'm too ashamed.

Instead of doing something simple like promoting my blog more, I've decided I need to write a book. I love writing! It should be easy, right? Hell, everyone's written a book- so I don't see why I can't. I know Paris Hilton wrote one, because I bought it at the dollar store as a gag gift.
Well, I have learned that writing a book is NOT that easy. For starters, you need to start. Starting things is hard! I'm really busy. And I'm really tired! *sadface* Staying up all night watching Big Love episodes on HBO GO is really exhausting! So I just don't have a lot of energy to spare lately. And you know, I do other stuff too. Like.... stuff with the kids, or whatever.
Another thing I have learned about writing a book is that you need to have something to write about, What could I possibly write enough about that it would fill a whole (short) book? I really don't know. Like I said, I'm busy watching HBO. Since I have THE BEST READERS IN THE WORLD, I have decided to make you do the work ask your opinion! What shall I write my book about, my dear mama friends? You guys are so smart, and funny. I know that you will give me some good ideas. And you know, If you want to write a few sample chapters or something- feel free!
Thank you my dears! You know Not Blessed Mama loves you- always!

Wordless Wednesday- And A Few Words

Tweet

What I see before I go to sleep at night. 

{this moment}

Tweet Inspired by SouleMama, a moment in time you want to remember and blah blah blah, sappy sentiment, etc.

First dance recital!