Not Blessed Mama's Unwanted and Unsolicited Product Review: Moon Dough

Tweet I hated Moon Dough before I even bought it.

I hated Moon Dough when I bought it.

I hated Moon Dough as I opened the package and gave it to my kids.

And then, I started to not hate Moon Dough. I actually started to like it.

Everyone despises Play-Doh for reasons known. I myself reviewed what a shitty product Aqua Sand was. Moon Sand was another horrid idea that I should have reviewed, and I figured Moon Dough was going to follow in their footsteps. I reluctantly bought it because it was one of four items on Spawn#3's Christmas list. How could I say no?

We got Moon Dough out and started making the popcorn. Amazingly enough, it was actually forming little popcorn nuggets that popped out of the maker. I assumed they'd fall apart when you touched them, like Moon Sand, but they held their shape. I still knew clean up would be a whore though- it's why everyone hates this stuff.

AND THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED.

I'm not going to show you a picture of what the kids did to the carpet in their room, but I will tell you it was u-g-l-y. It was bad. But I'd rather savor my 30 minutes of quiet, kid-busy time then harass them about Moon Dough. I accepted my fate and got ready to scrape Moon Dough out of the carpet fibers- and the damn stuff doesn't stick. It wiped right up. And here's the other thing- it doesn't dry out. IT DOESN'T DRY OUT AND IT DOESN'T STICK TO THE CARPET. Play-Doh, Moon Dough is kicking your ass. Big time.

It's true, it's true. I love Moon Dough. You can't be as detailed with it as Play-Doh, but did you read that I said it doesn't stick to the carpet? I just vacuumed the dust right up. I still can't get over it. If you think  Moon Dough not sticking to the carpet is nothing to be excited over, you are on the wrong blog and you need to quit judging me.

As always, this is not a paid advertisement or product review, because no one will give me anything. Whatever, companies. Whatever. 

Say What?

Tweet I love looking at the keywords that land people on my blog. I'm tellin' you, there is some crazy sh*t out there (and if you don't appreciate foul language, you are probably reading the wrong blog. And also, really don't read this post).

This post that I wrote about the infamous Go The F To Sleep book is my pride and joy- it got me over a thousand hits. Sadly, it wasn't for my literary genius- it was just because I had the good fortune to write about someone else's literary genius. Keyword searches for this post included:
go the f to sleep, go the fuck to sleep, go the f to sleep review, inside go the f to sleep, book shut up and go to sleep, go eff to sleep, sleep fuck (wrong blog, dude), go the fuck to sleep and too far, and a million other spellings of the f word. People really liked that book.

I had another post that was a review of that shite product Aqua Sand, and quite a few people found me that way too. Searches included:
aqua sand stain, aqua sand inventor, aqua sand toy review, can I return aqua sand, does aqua sand stain, and what is aqua sand. Ladies, do not waste your time on the A.S., trust me.

A post that got some amusing searches was my hate filled rant about when my kids and I got flipped off at Wal-mart. I can only imagine who was typing this stuff:
what do you do when you get flipped off, what happens if you flip someone at wal-mart off, should you be scared if you get flipped off, she flipped me off with my kids in the car, people flipping you off in front of your children, pictures of a woman flipping off her lover, kids flipping me off, kids flipping the bird, and how to get kids to stop flipping off. These searches have pretty much destroyed any hope I have for humanity.

And when I wrote about going incognito on Google Chrome, I had no idea what a public service I was providing. Going incognito pOrn, going incognito people standing behind you, does google incognito allow porn pop ups, and free porn sites for incognito (sorry friend, can't help you there).

But I have to say that the random, crazy searches are my favorite. Peeing at wet tshirt contest, famous saying not the ma ma, im like a gee, kingdom mama haters, mama kis the dat, owch moments in life, and saw guy wearing diaper in walmart are just a stellar example.

Seriously, people on the internets: WHAT THE HELL.

N.B.M. Toy Review: Aqua Sand

Tweet

Today Not Blessed Mama would like to do something new and exciting for you, my dear mama friends. As you may know, I have 3 adorable Spawn who are some of the most spoiled creatures in existence. Having said that, a lot of toys come through our doors- some great, some not so great, and some that are purely shite, like AQUA SAND!
Ok, first of all, let's look at the name, shall we? Aqua sand- water and sand. Are these 2 things you really want your kid playing with in your house? Umm, duh, NO! Of course not! From the get go you know this toy is bad news. I want to call the company and see if I can get the number of the guy who invented this, because you know it's some moronic guy who hates women. I will find you, sir!
But my cute little Spawn#2 just had to have it, and she did receive it for her birthday. The set comes with a little tank, a mermaid, the colored sand in squeeze bottles and a little rake tool. All for the bargain price of $20. I think the company paying me $20 to throw it in the trash is more appropriate, but that's just me.
As you can see in the picture, the idea is to make a cute little ocean scene for Miss Too-Much-Makeup Mermaid to reside in. That girl in the photo must be a damn rocket scientist to have made that gorgeous scene. In reality, you can only stack the sand up about an inch, and make a tank of prettily colored little turd shapes. The water starts getting murky after a day, so you can't even display your work of art for long. And then the real joy begins, because you have to get the sand out. You're not going to flush $5 worth of pink sand down the can in this economy, are you? Fortunately a sieve the size of a dime is included, so you can spend 3 hours scooping out grains of sand while cursing Spin Master for making such an idiotic product.
So, to conclude, if you feel like having grains of blue sand permanently ground into your feet and kitchen floor, Aqua Sand is for you! If you are on a budget, go to the park, fill a Ziploc with sand and dump it on your kitchen floor (your kids would probably like that better than Aqua Sand anyway- no frustration). I'm going to have to give this product a rating of 2 thumbs waaaay down- and a warning to that genius Aqua Sand inventor that he is headed the right way for a smack bottom.