OMG CALL THE PRESIDENT! BARBIE HAS TATTOOS

Tweet My loyal readers know that here at Not Blessed Mama, we take social issues very seriously. Just recently we had the One Million Moms Who Eat Balls initiative, which was a smashing success (thank you friends). Mothers Against Bare Shoulders also did quite well- if we have saved one girl from the torture of having to wear a tank top, then we've done our job. But we cannot be complacent! There are always new threats and attacks on our children. As mothers, we must always be vigilant and ready to answer a call to action. And I have one for you. 

This time it's Barbie. 

This is the face of evil. 

Yes, Barbie. Tokidoki Barbie. Have you ever seen a more sickening thing in your life? Look at her- covered in tattoos, with pink hair. And you haven't even seen it all yet...

Look at those clothes! And even her pet is atrocious- wearing a cactus costume. It makes me shiver with revulsion.

And the more I look at it.... the cuter I think it is. IT'S ADORABLE. I love it. I love her purse- I think I had one like it. I love her haircut- I've for sure had that bob, and pink hair on many occasions. But now we've got the internets and a bunch of parents saying they are worried their children will want tattoos when they are older. OH LORD NO, PLEASE NOT TATTOOS. ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Let me tell you something: I worry. I worry a lot. I wonder if my children will turn out to be well rounded, intelligent, caring human beings. I worry about them finding jobs, finding fufillment, finding happiness. I worry about them being healthy and safe. I worry about what the future will bring. But one thing I do not worry about is tattoos. If your children getting ink is a huge concern for you, then you need to re-think your priorities. 

And seriously, who doesn't have a tattoo these days? My parents have more than I do. We even have a family tattoo artist- and we're not some leather wearing, Harley riding freaks. Okay, my parents are, but I'm not. I'm just me. Little ol' Not Blessed Mama. Who never wants her daughter to have an eating disorder. Who never wants her sons to fight in a war. But does not, and will not ever, care if her children get tattoos.

Yup, that's me. 

By the way, this Barbie is $50 and a collector's item. My daughter will not be receiving this Barbie, but just because there's no way I'm wasting $5o on a Barbie that will wind up with its head missing and its clothes down the bathtub drain.

Raise Your Hand If You Pledge To Eat Schweddy Balls

Tweet You may have noticed that Not Blessed Mama is all about the social issues lately. I just feel that as an internet celebrity, I have certain responsibilities. I pledge to you that I will do my darndest to live up to your expectations. I owe it to you. Like I've always said, I'll never forget the little people.

Recently, Ben & Jerry's announced its newest flavor- Schweddy Balls, in honor of the infamous SNL skit with Alec Baldwin (seriously, if you haven't watched it- click the link. Hilarious). And almost immediately, a boycott was announced. One Million Moms has said that Schweddy Balls is too vulgar for something as innocent as ice cream- and they don't want their kids asking for it at the grocery store. Basically, if you buy this ice cream, you are contributing to the downfall of society. OMM is very upset with Ben & Jerry's for offending it's customers- like when they released the ice cream in support of gay marriage last year. Shameful!

Well, guess what, OMM. Jokes about balls are not ruining our society. Intolerant jerks are. Ball jokes are funny- so are jokes about farts, poops, and any other bathroom humor. It's just funny. Don't fight it. No point. Get used to it, and go focus your energy somewhere important.

That's why I'm starting another new initiative- OMM-WEB, One Million Moms Who Eat Balls. I will gladly pay to gobble up some Schweddy Balls. I'll let my kids eat Balls! I'll offer my husband Balls after dinner. And we'll all laugh about it, and then go on living our lives. Because jokes about balls are funny.

If you're interested in joining our movement, leave a comment below- or send me a tweet with the #OneMillionMomsWhoEatBalls hashtag. Granted,the hashtag is pretty long so you won't be able to say much- but we have to show our solidarity to the world. We must unite in the face of ridiculousness and say, "We are more ridiculous than you! We will not stand for your intolerance! And we have no shame, so we will embarrass you!" So far we have one member, but I know that our ranks will grow. Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can be the people who eat Schweddy Balls. God Bless America. The End.