What I Want For Mother's Day? Not What You Think

Tweet I've been thinking (fantasizing) for a while about what I want for Mother's Day. Sadly, since we homeschool, my kids won't be coming home with any adorable hand print cards or flower shaped coupon books. Not Blessed Dad usually doesn't drop the ball, but he's a dude. Sunday morning he'll go get me some flowers from the grocery store, or ask me what I want to do. I remember one year he went into the playroom to clean it, and came out after about 5 minutes- looking bewildered and frightened. He tries (usually), but you know- he's a dude.

Of course, I want all the normal things moms want for Mother's Day. A tricked out mini-van, a clean house, flowers and candy and a meal I don't have to cook. I want all of those things too. But I realized there were other things I wanted more....

I don't want to make any macaroni and cheese. I don't want to wipe popsicle off the floor. I don't want to referee any fights. I don't want to say any of these phrases: Speak nicely, be kind, touch nicely, no hitting, please share, be gentle, or let me help you. I don't want to do any laundry, get anyone clean underwear, or find any missing flip flops. I don't want to brush anyone's hair. I don't want to hear "Moooooooooooooommmmmmm" five million times. I don't want anyone to treat my gut like a bounce house.

I guess it all boils down to what I want most of all. For Mother's Day, I DON'T WANT TO BE A MOM.

Hold on, hold on. Don't get me wrong. My kids are the sun, moon and stars to me. They're my life, and that's the way I like it. I treasure them- but god dammit, I just need to get away from them. I need to be me for a little while. I need quiet, I need peace, I need to be treated like an adult. I want to do what I want to do- and I don't even know what that is, but it's definitely not watching My Little Pony or pushing someone on a swing for a gazillion hours. Just for a day.

So children, I love you more than anything. But please, for Mother's Day- GTFO. 

Am I a horrible mom for thinking this? What do YOU want for Mother's Day?

But They Look So Normal... (Or, Homeschooling)

Tweet While at the dentist the other day, the hygienist asked Spawn#2 if her brothers were at school. *Insert pregnant pause where Spawn#2 looks at me for guidance in how to answer.* "We homeschool," I smoothly replied.

Double take. That second look where the hygienist tries to see how she could miss that we were some of those weird homeschoolers. The kid looks normal! We're wearing jeans and flip flops. No crosses in sight. She just can't believe her eyes.

I gotta tell you, I don't think I'll ever quit loving that moment. That moment when we reveal our dirty little secret to someone, and watch them think- BUT THEY LOOK SO NORMAL!

And yup, we are... uh, normal. Well, our weirdness doesn't come from homeschooling. But I digress.

Your friendly neighborhood Not Blessed Mama is here to break it down for you. Want to know about crazy homeschoolers? I'm here for you. Here are some questions I've been asked recently:

1. Are all of your kids friends homeschoolers too? Not all, but a lot. We like to do stuff during the week, during the day. Everything's less crowded and more awesome.

2. What do you do for school? Some people like to do a "classroom at home" approach. Some people unschool and never do any workbooks at all. We're in the middle. We belong to a charter to get funds for supplies and classes, and we're supervised by a teacher. But I chose what to teach, when and how.

3. What do you do for a living? THIS. This is my job- I've stayed home since Spawn#3 was born 11 years ago. A post on how to afford staying home is coming up in the near future (read: how to be broke all the time).

4. How do you manage being with the kids all the time? Sometimes, I don't. Yesterday I locked myself in the bathroom and pretended to poop so I could have quiet for 5 minutes. I sat and read a book on the toilet until I could manage to look at the kids again.

5. Why do you homeschool? Do your kids have special needs? I've gotta admit, this one threw me for a loop. I homeschool for many reasons- so many, it would be hard to list. But my kids are just normal ol' kids, and I decided that homeschooling would be the best choice for us.

6. Do you homeschool to keep your kids sheltered? Uh, my kids have been around the block. No sheltering going on here. Spawn#3 was able to spell ass when he was 3 years old. (He's special.)

And there you have it! I hope that gives you a little bit more insight into the confusing, murky world of homeschooling. If you have more questions, leave them in the comments below. I'd be happy to answer in the least sarcastic way possible.

Some paper we made for a presentation. Whee, learning is fun!

Hey, want to read more homeschooling propaganda? Check out my friend's new blog- The Homeschooling Atheist!

The Hidden Danger That's Threatening Our Daughters

Tweet Our daughters are in danger.

There's an epidemic facing our young ones, and no one's talking about it. I only recently had my eyes opened to the situation, but I'm here to break the silence.

This is the face of fear.

Tank tops.

Yes, tank tops. Young girls going around with bare shoulders. I'm not even sure how our society got to a place where it was deemed acceptable for a tot to prance around in a spaghetti strap sundress, but something needs to be done about it. Take a look at these facts*:

- 67% of girls who are allowed to wear tank tops drop out of high school.

- Teen pregnancy is 82% more likely in a girl who was raised in a bare-shoulder household.

- 73% of the female homeless population was allowed to wear spaghetti straps before they were 18.

- Mothers of bare-shouldered girls are 89% more likely to consume alcohol weekly.

You know that Not Blessed Mama is always interested in important causes. That's why I'm starting the MABS Foundation- Mothers Against Bare Shoulders. If you take just a moment today to make a contribution to MABS, 100% of your tax-deductible donation will go to rehabilitating a sweet, innocent child who has suffered from living a life with her shoulders exposed. With your generosity, these girls will have a chance at living a normal, functional life. A shoulders-covered life. Don't we owe it to the younger generation? Give our daughters a chance. Donate to MABS today. Thank you.

*All statistics in this article are from the Not Blessed Mama Insitiute of Fictional Research.

Dynamite

Tweet Today, my dear mama friends, I am going to write a blog post you may laugh at. Let me be a little more specific- today I expect that you may laugh at me, instead of with me. And I am still going to write it. Because that's the kind of cool mama friend I am. You know you love to have that one friend who always makes you feel better. 
"I thought my house was a disaster, but damn, have you seen Not Blessed Mama's house?"
"My kids are so bad lately. But we just went to the park and N.B.M.'s kids were there, and let me tell you..."
"I am such a mess today! But at least my clothes don't have bleach spots and holes like Not Blessed Mama.... that poor woman."
So I have to tell you, I have a new favorite song. I started hearing it on the radio, and it just kept getting stuck in my head- you know how that is. I started listening to it on Grooveshark (a hackin' awesome site), and I even BOUGHT this song on iTunes- my first purchase! 
Now is the time that you start laughing. 
The song is Dynamite by Taio Cruz.
Laugh. Go ahead.
Not only does this song have a catchy beat that makes me wanna shake what my momma gave me, it's the lyrics that caught me. 

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Sayin' ayo, gotta let go
I wanna celebrate and live my life
Sayin' ayo, baby let’s go


(Disclaimer before I proceed: the lyrics following the ones above do not pertain to me as much. I am not gon' rock this club- I am not gon' go all night. I am most certainly not gon' lights it up like it's dynamite. But it is very catchy, so listen anyway.)


Who knew you'd find such an appropriate quote for motherhood in a hip hop song? I feel like this could be the motto for my life- someone needlepoint this onto a pillow for me, will ya? 
I hate having unnecessary stress and drama in my life. Kids a filthy mess? Let it go. House a disaster? Let it go. In-laws criticizing your parenting choices? Let it go.  Husband complaining about having mac n cheese for dinner again? Kick him. Then let it go.  Pick your battles- if it's important, fight for it. If not- yup, you guessed it- let it go. Life really is too short and amazing to be stressed, exhausted and miserable every day. I do want to celebrate and live my life every day. I want to enjoy my kids, have fun with them, and savor them growing up. Because while Spawn#1 is only a whopping nine years old, those nine years have flashed right before my eyes. Only recently he was a wild little child playing with Thomas trains, and now that damn kid is almost as tall as I am- and smart as a whip. He doesn't miss anything. I just don't know how it happened. Well, I guess I do. Time. It's what happens to you when you get old.
So that's why today, my dear mama friends, I am inviting you to blast this addicting song the next time you need a little pick me up. But do yourself a favor, turn your monitor off while you listen (unless you like watching boobalicious women working on cars, which seems to be a popular music video theme- so maybe people do like it). 
Enjoy. 

September, I Hardly Knew Ye

Tweet Does anyone know what happened to September? The other day, I was planning Halloween costumes ridiculously early. Now it is October (4th!) and I'm sure I'll be scrambling to finish sewing at the last minute (as always). Here's a glimpse into our September. 

Almost no fall foliage for us yet, but we have some lovely

morning glories and zinnias. 

Oh why did I let him get that haircut! I could have squeezed out 

another 6 months of babyness from him. 

Spawn#2 modeled a dress she made and Spawn #3 gave a talk

about a custom Bionicle he created.

Spiderman, a Princess and a Zombie.

The annual Homeschooling picnic has something for everyone.

Sharing the Love

Tweet Recently the very sweet (and adorable) Kat over at For Love Of My Oceans was gracious enough to bestow upon yours truly, Not Blessed Mama, her very first blog award. It is such an honor Kat, and thank you! 

I've got my floor length gown on now, and I'm giving a very moving speech- thanking "all the little people" who helped to make this happen! Actually, that kind of fits, doesn't it? 

Now I would like to share with you some of Not Blessed Mama's favorite blogs- and you know she has very discriminating taste! 

1000 Reasons I'm A Crap Mom The title says it all.

Chronicles of Twitch and Meathead Because she said "Meathead". 

Kidlit's Korner A good friend new to blogging.

Las Vegas Mama 'Cuz she's sassy.

Sunshine SAHM 'Cuz she likes to be real. 

the little things A sweet little blog. 

Airing My Dirty Laundry Because dirty laundry is a big part of my life. And she's funny. 

The Pioneer Woman More of an institution than a blog. Check out her recipes. 

Mommy Wants Vodka Aunt Becky cusses. As much as I'd like to. 

The Diary Of An Indy Grrrl I like to think I would have been like this 10+ years ago. If I was cool.

Ok, the idea here is to link 15 blogs you love and let them all know, to get the bloggy love flowing. Alas, not Blessed Mama is lazy. I mean tired. I mean lazy. That was a lot of work listing those 10! So I am going to leave it at that, and say thank you to all the cool bloggers I love to read, listed or not. 

P.S. When I went to Google Reader to get my blog links, I had 666 "new items" to read. WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

10 Glorious Things Someone Should Have Told You About Motherhood

Tweet When you become pregnant, you will get a boat load of unwanted advice. It's usually either common sense stuff, or bat-shit crazy stuff (like someone cautioning me against cats stealing babies' breath). Well, Not Blessed Mama is here to tell you ten wonderful things about being a mother that no one else will. Because I'm cool like that.


1. Your child's leftovers will someday be irresistible. You will be eating other being's chewed up food and table scraps and calling it dinner. 
2. Say good-bye to your bosoms. Just say goodbye. It will be worth it, but.... just say goodbye.
3. Scrubbing poop out of carpet really sucks. Really. Also? Picking it up while.it.is.still.warm..... is really, really nasty.
4. Like going to the bathroom with the door closed? Better get over it.
5. The feeling of warm spit-up/vomit in your hair is gloriously indescribable. The feeling of cold, hard dried up spit up that's been in your hair for 3 days because you didn't have 15 free minutes to take shower? Even better. 
6. Might as well change your favorite foods from chicken alfredo and anything-that-requires-more-than-one-pot to mac n' cheese and anything-that-requires-only-one-pot.
7. Someday your kids are going to drive you so crazy, you are going to feel like chucking them out the nearest window. You will feel no remorse at the thought. But don't worry about it- it's like "look but don't touch." 
8. You know those magazine photos of women gently cradling their pregnant bellies in their arms, looking serene? Real preggo bellies don't look like that. Hello, stretch marks. 
9. Fart jokes will be the commonly accepted form of humor in your house at some point.
10. There is no harder job in the universe than being a mother- and none that are more worth it either. 


Aww, yes, I had to end it on a positive note because Hallmark is sponsoring this post! Just kidding, they're not. I wish they were though- what's a girl gotta do to get some damn endorsements around here? Hellooooo, Mike's Hard Lemonade (especially Black Cherry)???