Not Blessed Mama Cooks... Sometimes

Tweet So, what's for dinner tonight, my dear Mama friends? In our house it's.....

frickin' nothin'.
Not Blessed Daddy has been working out of town during the week for a while now. And while he is a lazy ass bump on a log doesn't always help out at home, at least there is another adult in the house. Another adult to distract the screaming, crazy, relentless, lovely Spawn. Single Mamas, I salute you. It sucks major ass to be the only adult around. It's hard. Lately I have been so tired- the house is suffering, the cooking is suffering. The Spawn don't seem to be suffering, but I did find a pig's head on a stick in the backyard. Oh wait, that was in a book.
About the cooking.... I thought I'd share another of my super simple recipes that the Spawn are just loving lately. 

Not Blessed Mama's Famous Pasta

1. Boil spaghetti.

2. Put in a bowl with parmesan cheese.

3. Eat!

This dish will be a favorite in your house, I promise! It doesn't seem to go over so well at potlucks and on the holidays, but we love it anyway. 

Do you have any simple, easy, quick recipes you'd like to share? Because you KNOW I need them!

Laundry is Evil

Tweet I am of the opinion that all housework is evil, really. There is such a staggering amount of it- and who is responsible for the great majority of it? That's right, women. It's a sad, twisted world. And laundry has got to be one of the worst chores- it's a daily, never ending, time consuming, vicious cycle. It's not like dishes, or other repetitive chores- if you're out of dishes, you eat out of the carton, with your hands or on a napkin. If your carpet/floor is dirty, you walk on crumbs. If your clothes are all dirty, you go out smelling funky and looking like a transient, and people will hand your kids quarters and shake their heads sadly as they walk away. You may be thinking that this is the silly ranting of a mad woman- and you are absolutely right. But in my defense, I'd like to offer some evidence as to why laundry is evil:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

And you know what, I just realized I forgot to take pictures of the dirty towel hamper and Spawn#2's hamper. If all this laundry isn't enough to make you want to off yourself, I don't know what will. So, in conclusion, I believe that I have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that laundry is, indeed, evil. Thank you. 

Top 5 Reasons I Refuse to Mop My Floor

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I'm pretty sure I could think up about a hundred reasons why I don't mop my floor. But, I really just don't have the time for that- I'm too busy not mopping my floor! So Not Blessed Mama would like to give you the top five reasons she does not mop the floor.
1. It'll just get dirty again in 5 seconds. And 5 seconds is a generous estimate. Our kitchen is fortunately adjacent to our backyard, so as soon as one of the Spawn walks in, it's over. Our backyard is a vast wasteland of dirt and trees, and our Spawn are some filthy little critters. Generally when a chore lasts longer than the desired result, it is a no-no in my book (i.e. minutes spent shaving legs > minutes spent having relations with hubby).
2. My knee pads are worn out. What is a mop other than a waste of time on a stick? I can think of many enjoyable things that come on sticks- corn dogs, egg rolls at the fair, lollipops. Wigs of string do not belong in that category. Mops do not work. You know you're just going to wind up hot and sweaty on the ground, on your knees- and not in a hawt, sexy way. In a dirty, stinky, exhausted way.
3. What if Brad Pitt knocks on my door? Or my neighbor, mom, AT&T repair-man- or anyone else for that matter. As outlined in #2,
you are going to be scrubbing the floor on your hands and knees, looking a hot mess. I don't really see any point in putting yourself in that un-ladylike position for a clean floor that will immediately be soiled and will destroy your appearance (and odor) in the process.
4. Cleaning products are bad, bad, bad. You may know that Not Blessed Mama loves the environment. Pine-Sol, Mr. Clean, Clorox- these names strike fear in Mother Nature's heart. So, just as you should skip shampoo and soap, skip using yucky cleaners on your kitchen floor and let it return to it's natural state. Dump a wheelbarrow or two full of soil on it and have the Spawn stomp like crazy to create a rustic, historically accurate hearth. The Earth will thank you for it.
5. The fridge and stove will be jealous. This is a hard, simple truth about cleaning- once you start cleaning, you start noticing how dirty everything is. Start scrubbing the floor, notice that the baseboards are grimy. Wipe the baseboards, notice the yogurt dried on the wall. Scrape off the yogurt, notice the top of the backsplash is dusty. Wipe the backsplash, notice behind the microwave is dirty. Wipe the back of the micro, notice the stove knobs are greasy. De-grease the stove knobs, and I will just stop there because I could really go on forever. Since Not Blessed Mama is all about equality, I am willing to sacrifice a clean floor if it means keeping the rest of the appliances happy. Equal opportunity, baby.