Yo Quiero Taco Bell!

Tweet I know I have been writing a lot about Not Blessed Daddy lately- but let's be real, the guy is odd enough charmingly eccentric enough to warrant his own blog full of weirdness adorableness. 
The other day N.B.D. came home with his hands full and a big smile on his face. With caution and dread in my voice, I asked him "What are those and what are you going to do with them?" 

Oh, look at those beauties. No offense to anyone here, but Santa Fe Tex-Mex is not my style. Not that there's anything wrong with it- it's just not for me. I fully support the rights of any one living a Santa Fe style lifestyle, as I believe all decorating styles were created equal. I even voted for them. My best friend is a Tex-Mex styler! So is my hairdresser! 


Let me fill you in on the history of these beauties. Not Blessed Daddy is an electrician. He's a hard working guy with a lot of silly ideas. While he was re-modeling a Taco Bell, he saw these fine pieces of lighting that were about to be thrown away. Oh, the horror! What cruel and heartless bastard could throw away such treasures, such shining examples of fast food decor at it's best??? I know, it's hard to believe. So N.B.D. grabbed those suckers and brought them home for our living room. He actually had quite solid logic- we have a red couch, so here were some red lights. It all made perfect sense to him. It must be so wonderful to be a man. 


After my initial shock (and frenzied thoughts as to how I could make those atrocities any less atrocious), I started warming up to the idea. I am an eccentric gal after all- I love goofy things (hence my love for Not Blessed Daddy). How many people do you know that can say they have Taco Bell lighting in their living room? I am going to take a great leap of faith here and say you don't know a single one, except for me- the fabulously lucky Not Blessed Mama. 
So, that's the story of the Taco Bell Lights In My Living Room. It would make quite a good book some day, I'm sure. The greatest part of this whole thing, by far, has been having friends over and asking them what they think of my Taco Bell Lights- and when they ask where I got them, I get to answer with proud emphasis, "Taco Bell". 
P.S. "I wish I had grabbed the wall sconces."

Writing a Letter of Complaint.....

Tweet This post was inspired by Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock At A Time, one of my favorite blogs. I've had a rough couple of days. Some carefully worded letters are definitely in order.


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Dear Husband, 
Maybe you hadn't noticed that I have been laying flat on my back for the past week? 'Member that? How I hurt my back and can barely walk? Hey, do you think that may have anything to do with the fact that the house is a disaster? Hmm... something to think about.
Love, Your Wife


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Dear Spawn, 
Dumping beer in the pool is never appropriate. For an odd reason, I feel this goes without saying.
Love, Your Mother


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Dear Grandmother, 
I like having my car overflowing with junk. If we are ever trapped in a ravine for a week, we will not only be well fed but also well entertained. And we will probably have several changes of clothes as well.
Love, Your Granddaughter


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Dear Neighbors, 
No need to call the authorities. The Spawn were only screaming, "OH GOD, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD, OH MY GOD", because they thought the guinea pig was gone. Nothing to look at here. Close your blinds and go back to bed. 
Love, Your Neighbor


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Dear Employer of my Husband, 
I would like to respectfully submit that you take the proposed idea of 20% pay cuts and kindly shove it up your asses, as my husband was grossly under-paid to begin with. 
Love, A Broke Wife


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Writing letters is really therapeutic. Any you'd like to share?


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Addendum:
Dear Automobiles,
You both really suck for breaking down in the same week.
No Love, The Driver

It's my Anniversary...

Tweet And birthday, actually. I chose to get married on my birthday- in all honesty I am not quite sure why, but my husband is a lucky man to be able to combine the two. It's been ten years that we've been married. Some days I love him dearly- some days I flip him off from behind closed doors. But the one good thing I have to say about our marriage is that it is still fresh- who knows why. We still laugh like we did when we first got together- we still tease, argue, flirt and enjoy each other's company (even when we feel like ripping each other's throats out). So, Not Blessed Daddy, in honor of the ten glorious-wonderful-beautiful-miserable-awful-terrible years we have been joined in holy matrimony, I would like to give you a gift- a special present. A peek inside Not Blessed Mama's mind- here is the:

Not Blessed Mama Translator

• "I'm trying to put the baby to sleep- could you please turn the tv down?" Are you totally deaf? Turn the damn tv down! This baby hasn't slept at all today and do you not see what a mess I am? Dammit!
• "What would you like for dinner tonight?" Better pour yourself a bowl of cereal, buddy. If I haven't figured dinner out by now, it ain't happening. 
• "Do you think this dress looks okay? It's new." Why do I bother trying to look nice for you? I'm going to start wearing garbage bags and see if you notice.
• "Do you mind if I go out with the Mom's Group tonight?" I've barely had any adult conversation in a week and it's starting to get to me. If I don't have one hour with adults and without children grabbing my boobs, yelling at me for toast or crying about how much they hate their siblings, something very bad is going to happen.
• "Can you take the garbage out for me?" I know your Mama didn't raise you to be a slob- get off your ass and give a hand. Pronto!
• "What do you want to do while the kids are with my Mom?" I am not spending date night watching Ultimate Fighting, so you had best put some clean clothes on so we can go out now.
• "I don't know where the remote control is, but it must be here somewhere." Okay, we probably have 5,000 things in this house. I know that I am Super Mom, but I can't keep track of every single piece of crap we own!
• "Actually I didn't move your *whatever*, it must have been the kids." I know we spend a lot of time together and they are always on me, but the kids and I really are separate entities and I do not control them by mind-melding.
• "I have a headache." Seriously, I have a headache.

Happy Anniversary, Not Blessed Daddy. Love you.