June 28, 2011

Five Things That Homeschoolers Would Rather You Not Say To Them

I guess the secret's out that we're homeschoolers. It's not really a secret, I just don't feel the need to shout it from the rooftops. Want to know why? This is what I get in return:

5. I didn't know you homeschooled! (This is always said while the speaker throws furtive glances at my Spawn, wondering how they could have missed the warning signs.) Amazing, huh?  My kids almost look normal! Blending in is part of our daily curriculum.
4. I knew someone who was homeschooled, and he was totally anti-social. Everyone knows that one person who homeschooled- and more often than not, they're weird freaks who can't function in society. Do you know anyone who went to public school who is anti-social or shy? 'Cause I do.
3. I could never homeschool my kids because they are smarter than me! Umm.... you may have some issues you need to work on.
2. I could never be around my child that much! I'd go crazy. Well, all homeschooling parents are born with an extra chromosome on the 24th pair called sympatheticus extremus. It makes it remarkably easy to be with your kids 24/7, and you never get irritated at them or want to beat the beejebus out of them.


1. Aren't you worried about socialization? Every homeschooler has gotten this remark at least once. When you ask a homeschooler this, they must fight to control the urge to punch you in the eye. Homeschooled kids are socialized, just like any other child. Some are shy- some are loud. Some have lots of friends- some have a few close friends. Homeschoolers get socialization from family members, errand running, homeschool play dates, park outings, museum trips, and 500 other ways. It is so easy to be socialized. So easy, it's probably the least important reason I can think of not to homeschool.

Now you are all set to deal with the homeschoolers you may meet in your every day life. Just remember: maintain eye contact, stand tall, and don't be scared- because we can smell fear.
Just kidding! *sniff sniff*

June 22, 2011

The Second Official Meeting Of The Not Blessed Mama Haters Club

Hello ladies, hello. Come in! It's so good to see you again. The first meeting of the Official Not Blessed Mama Haters Club went so well, I couldn't resist having you all back for the second installment. And you were all such lovely, lovely haters. Really, a Mama couldn't ask for better haters. I am so not blessed!

Like I said, I was really pleased with the first meeting. I got a lot of readers ready to profess their hate for Not Blessed Mama, and things seemed to go very well. Sadly, neither fame nor fortune has been bestowed upon yours truly. It wasn't you, I promise- it was me. I really didn't comprehend the level of dedication that is required to amass a large following of readers and haters. So I am here with a new proposition:

Not Blessed Mama needs a Twitter war.
I've seen it happen many times. Someone, anyone, writes some foul tweet, blog or remark, and all of a sudden it's being tweeted to high heaven. EVERYONE wants to get their two cents in. So, are you ready? Here we go, Twitter war time! Fun fun squeee!

First (obvs)(who the hell makes up this stuff, obvs)(is obviously really that hard to type?), you need to follow me on Twitter. Ok, super easy. You're doing great!

Next.... umm... well, next. I really don't like being mean to people, believe it or not. So maybe if one of you could just get on Twitter and tweet at me, "How could you say that @notblessedmama? that is OBVS so rude!!!", we can see what happens next. Use of exclamation points is completely discretionary, but I'd recommend maximum usage to display extreme indignation. I really have a good feeling about this. I can almost hear the FedEx man pulling up with all the swag my awesome sponsors are going to send me (Mike's Hard Lemonade? Suave Dry Shampoo?). 
Thank you, my dear mama friends. As always, Not Blessed Mama loves you.

June 17, 2011

So.... I Guess Father's Day Is Coming Up

Last year, I wrote a post about Father's Day that I loved. Honestly, I don't remember it exactly, but the gist of it was that Dads are bums and every Sunday is Father's Day, with football on the tv and the family put on hold (what? I'm not bitter.). Anywho, before you go looking for it, I must tell you- I deleted it. For some reason that I can't fathom, I was constantly getting hits on that post from Russia. For a long time too. I have no idea why. I can't imagine that Not Blessed Mama is big over there (although why not, I don't know). Long story short, it made me paranoid that Russians were stalking me so I deleted the post. Booo. By the way, I have nothing against Russians. 
I'm pretty sure the post said that we shouldn't spend a day celebrating Dad, because Dad will be sitting on his ass in the recliner watching some assorted sports program, just like every other Sunday. So, I beseeched my readers, let's celebrate something really monumental- like refrigerators, or burritos.
So, Happy Burrito Day this Sunday? I hope you enjoy a delicious burrito and think about the burrito's glorious history. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure it's super glorious.
And if any Dads happen upon my blog today.... Happy Father's Day! We moms, wives and kids appreciate what you do so much. We can't even show you in a day the happiness and joy you bring into our lives. Thank you for that, and enjoy your special day! We love you!

By the way, if you need a last minute (free!) Father's Day gift, Walgreens has a free 8x10 photo collage
through tomorrow, June 18, with code 1FREEBIE. You can add a title to these and I have used them
as inexpensive holiday gifts many times. This is not an advertisement. Thank you. You're welcome. 

June 13, 2011

Just Blog, Heifer!

A bloggy friend and I were talking about the blog boycott day that went on last week. We both agreed that it was ridiculous- to us, at least. We don't need an excuse to get off of our blogs- we need someone to kick our butts so we get on our blogs! So My Mamihood came up with the excellent idea of #justblogheifer day. Which was today, but as you can see I'm a little late! It's easy to think up excuses to not get on-line and write. I'm busy, my back hurts, my house smells like urine and I need to clean it. But we write because we love it. We love our readers, we love making connections, we love sharing our voice.
So the next time you notice a bloggy friend MIA, give 'em a shout out- just blog, heifer! When Not Blessed Mama hasn't been on-line in a week and your need your dose of wonderfulness (what?), shout out- just blog, heifer! Let's support each other and lift each other up in this wonderful blogging world- by calling each other cows.
Well, it seemed like a good idea.

Make sure you are following Not Blessed Mama on Twitter for when you need to tell me to #justblogheifer.

June 10, 2011

Can Someone Call Adult Protective Services, Please?

I've been catching up on Hoarders lately. I hurt my back somehow on Monday and I've been laid up all week on the couch (in agony!), watching Netflix on my iPhone and trying to entertain the Spawn without moving. It's been wonderful.
Hoarders is like a train wreck- fascinating, devastating, and you just can't look away. Something I learned this week was the existence of Adult Protective Services. Of course I've heard of CPS, and I've been mildly concerned that this blog would somehow get me reported to them. But APS was something new to me. I'm not sure if they exist in California or not, but if they do, I would respectfully request that someone report Not Blessed Mama to them for assistance. 
I've been in pain, miserable, barely eating all week- stuck on the couch in the same dirty clothes. The house is going to shambles around me. I really think I deserve better than this. I think someone should be fawning over me, serving me meals and bringing me People magazine (other quality reading material, like The Enquirer, may be substituted). I mean, I am such a wonderful mother and person. Always giving- giving, giving, giving. And then in my hour of need, look at me. Just look at me! 
If you are unable to contact APS, you may feel free to drop off any donations of food, DVD's, narcotics and dry shampoo to the Not Blessed residence. They would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. 

June 8, 2011

Wordless Wednesday And A Few Words- And A Blogaversary Winner

Have you heard of Shaun the Sheep? Well, this is Spawn#3 doing his best impression. RIP, pillow.

And, onto my Blogaversary iTunes giveaway! Thank you so much to all who entered. I cherish each and every one of my readers. When I am rich and famous, I promise to send you all iTunes cards! Or to at least remember you fondly. Or to completely forget about you as I relax on the beach in Aruba. 
And without further ado....
The winner is comment number 5, which happens to have come from one of my favorite bloggy friends, Sunshine SAHM! Congrats! Don't spend it all in one place. Oh wait, you'd better, actually.
Thank you again to all my readers. You guys are the best.

If you're bored you haven't gotten your daily fill of Not Blessed Mama yet, go check me out at In The Powder Room. I'm talkin' bout co-sleeping. 

June 3, 2011

June 1, 2011

1 Year Blogaversary- And GIVEAWAY!

Oh em gee, Not Blessed Mama's blog is one year old today! Happy birthday or blogaversary or whatever. I can hardly believe I made it a full year. I am definitely giving myself a pat on the back and knocking back a stiff drink to celebrate.

Now, I could wax sentimental about my first post or maybe one of my favorite posts or maybe even the post that got me my only hateful comments. But let's be real, no one wants to sit around reading my old posts! (Although you should, because of course they're brilliant.) What people really love about this kind of thing are GIVEAWAYS! FREE STUFF!! YAHOOOOO!

Soooooo........ in honor of this wonderfully glorious day, I am giving one special Not Blessed Mama reader A $20 iTunes Gift Card!!! Oh yes I am. And you know N.B.M. bought that gift card with her own money, because Apple doesn't give away crap for free. It's because I love you! I truly, truly do. I can't say how much I appreciate you taking that moment to click and read and maybe even leave a comment. It makes my day. I love reading what you say and I love visiting your blogs as well. THERE'S SO MUCH LOVE, I JUST CAN'T STAND IT!

On to the nitty gritty, because of course there's always something. To enter my giveaway: please leave a comment below. Yup, that's right, that's it. Leave a comment. Leave a way for me to contact you too, if you're not a blogger. Don't you just hate it when you go to enter a contest and there are five million steps to enter? Me too. That is so incredibly irritating. Simplicity reigns here.
BUT, if you would like to complete five million more steps to get more entries, I'm not gonna stop you. Imma break it down for all y'alls.....

To win a most excellent $20 iTunes Gift Card from Not Blessed Mama:
1. Leave a comment on this post. (one entry per person)
2. Like Not Blessed Mama's Facebook page here. (one additional entry)
3. Follow Not Blessed Mama on Twitter. (one additional entry)
4. Follow Not Blessed Mama via Google Friend connect. It's right over there -----> (one additional entry)
5. Follow Not Blessed Mama on Networked Blogs- it's over there too -----> (one additional entry)
6. Tweet that you entered my giveaway. Just click the Tweet button at the top of this post. (one additional entry)
7. Come to my house and tell me you love me. (one additional entry)
Make sure you leave a comment for each of your entries!

Sadly, iTunes states that this gift card must be redeemed in the same country which it is purchased (which is the US. Sorry, readers from abroad. Please know I love you too.) And that's it! Winner will be chosen at random on June 8th. That's 6 awesome chances to win a sweet iTunes card. Good luck, and thank you all!
Note: I have heard that there are still problems with leaving comments. If you e-mail me (notblessedmama@yahoo.com) your entries, I will add them as comments. Thanks!
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